


I'm Numb And Way Too Easy

by LaVidaLoki779



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Accidental Voyeurism, Accidental overdose, Adopted Loki, Adopted Sibling Incest, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Anal Sex, Arguing, Attempted Seduction, Awkward Blow Jobs, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Bad Decisions, Bad Influences, Bad diet, Bars, Binge Drinking, Blaming other people, Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs in a Car, Bottom Loki, Brock is an asshole, Buckle up boys and girls, Car Accidents, Car Sex, Cat Fight, Cheating, Clean slate, College, College drop out, Come Marking, Come Shot, Come Swallowing, Comeslut, Consensual Underage Sex, Crack, Crossdressing, Crossing the line, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Addict Loki, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealer Brock, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Drugged Sex, Drugs, Drunk Dialing, Drunk Sex, Drunk Texting, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, Eating out, Emotional Baggage, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Engagement, Expensive whore, F/M, Fake Friends, Falling In Love, Family, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Reunions, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Gay Sex, Getting Back Together, Getting Clean, Getting Help, Getting Together, Gratuitous Smut, Hand Jobs, Handcuffs, Hate Sex, Hate to Love, Heroin, High School, Homeless Loki, Homelessness, Hotels, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I need help, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Intervention, It's never too late, Jail, Jane is a bit of a bitch, Jealous Brock Rumlow, Jealous Jane Foster, Jealous Loki, Jealous Thor, Jealousy, Last Chance, Light BDSM, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki Feels, Loki Has Issues, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, Loki is a slut, Loki is a sneaky lil shit, Loki is an asshole in most of this, Loki loves Thor, Loki needs therapy, Long haired Loki, Long haired Thor, Loss of Control, Loss of Faith, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Trust, Loss of Virginity, Love/Hate, M/M, Making Out, Marijuana, Masturbation, Masturbation In A Car, Masturbation in Bathroom, Masturbation in Shower, Motels, Mutual Masturbation, Non-Consensual Blow Jobs, Non-consensual sex, Odin's A+ Parenting, Open Relationships, Oral Sex, Over the Top, Overdosing, Parties, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Jane Foster/Thor, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Underage, Phone Sex, Physical Abuse, Pole Dancing, Pole Dancing Loki, Poor Life Choices, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Problems, Prostitution, Protective Thor, Public Blow Jobs, Public Display of Affection, Public Hand Jobs, Public Masturbation, Public Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Real Life, Relationship Problems, Rimming, Rock Bottom - Freeform, Sad, Sad Loki, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sassy Loki, School Reunion, Second Chances, Seduction, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Sex Toys, Shower Sex, Skinny Dipping, Skinny Loki, Sloppy Makeouts, Sloppy Seconds, Smoking, Smut, So many tags, Sobriety, Spoiled Jane, Starting Over, Starvation, Strip Games, Strip Tease, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Stripping, Therapy, Thor Feels, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor Needs a Hug, Thor ain't taking shit from Loki, Thor and Jane are engaged, Thor loves Loki, Thor wants to help loki, Threats of leaving, Throwing Shade, Top Thor, Trained dancers, Ultimatums, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex, Underage Smoking, Unisex Strip Clubs, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Voyeurism, Wall Sex, dancer loki, falling off the wagon, high, holy shit, nightclubs, numb, prostitute Loki, safe sex, this is gonna be a wild ride
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-12 20:03:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10498485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVidaLoki779/pseuds/LaVidaLoki779
Summary: Then he started dragging Loki away, a tight hold on his wrist. Loki struggled in his hold and said "OW! Thor, what the fuck?! Let go of me! I fucking said let go, you're hurting me!"Thor dragged him until they were  at Thor's car, and he turned and threw the smaller man against it. Thor kept him pressed against it and pointed his finger at him. He had this look on his face and in his eyes, which was really scaring Loki.Thor said "You listen to me." His voice quiet, but frightening. He said "I do fucking care about you, Loki. I do love you, don't ever fucking doubt that I love you. But I am warning you...If you don't clean your shit up, stop blaming other people for your problems, I will leave. And you won't ever see me again, do you understand me? You stop this shit Loki, right now, it's madness."





	1. Hungover

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so my plans for the Assets story is it won't be too short, but it won't be very long either. As for Under A Blue Moon I Saw You, it's about halfway over. But this won't be a problem for me, each of them will continue to be updated constantly, so don't worry about it :). I'm kinda excited about this one, it's gonna be NUTS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up hungover after a party.

 

> _You're gone and I gotta stay_  
>  _High all the time_  
>  _To keep you off my mind_  
>  _Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_  
>  _High all the time_  
>  _To keep you off my mind_  
>  _Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_  
>  _Spend my days locked in a haze_  
>  _Trying to forget you babe_  
>  _I fall back down_  
>  _Gotta stay high all my life_  
>  _To forget I'm missing you_  
>  _Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh_
> 
> _-"Habits"_ byTOVE LO
> 
>  

**

[Loki](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f3/75/ee/f375ee77459363d8784429c6778ecde1.jpg) groaned when he woke up. His head was killing him. His eyes fluttered open and he soon realized he was on a couch. That's when he remembered the party. 

It was a good party. The last few that him and his boyfriend Brock had gone to, were shitty. Shitty music, shit drugs, and cheap ass booze.

But this one was actually really fun, and him and Brock got hammered. Although he wanted to take some Ecstasy, and it was greatly offered, but mixing the shit with alcohol, Loki wasn't suicidal. Although he feels it sometimes.

He saw he was lying on his stomach, and realized someone was behind him, fucking him. Some guy had Loki's [dress](https://dtpmhvbsmffsz.cloudfront.net/posts/2016/07/09/5781114cfbf6f98322002eb3/m_5781114cfbf6f98322002eb4.jpg) bunched up to his stomach, and had his hips pulled on where he was on his knees, his torso remaining on the cushions. 

He had his head turned to the side, and he hopes this guys wearing something. The last thing Loki needs right now, is to catch something. It felt good though, he didn't really care. The guy felt big, and from Loki could see by looking back at him over his shoulder, he was kinda hot.

Loki just laid there until he finished, relief washing over him as the guy pulled off a come filled condom, before going off. He moved and saw his [panties](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1FhgEMpXXXXXcXFXXq6xXFXXX9/Hot-Sale-New-Women-Sexy-Lace-Panties-Breathable-Seamless-font-b-Briefs-b-font-Hollow-Women.jpg) were hanging off one ankle. He pulled them back on, and fixed his dress. Now he just needed to find his [shoes](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/26/86/6b/26866bf24103c8f5e81e0b5b4476e012.jpg), and find Brock.

His phone was under one of the pillows, and after he grabbed it, he stood up. The place was fucking trashed. Cups and bottles everywhere, food, crumbs, it was just a fucking mess.

There were people passed out around the place, a few couples. Some people were completely naked, just lying on the floor, but most were dressed. Loki cursed when he nearly tripped a few times, then he almost tripped on a pair of heels. That were in the hallway.

He saw they were his, and grabbed them, carefully putting them on. He's amazed he can maneuver in heels when he's hung over or coming down from a high, without breaking his neck. He's had a lot of time to work on that, he guesses.

Soon he was at a bedroom, and he saw Brock. They've been dating for 3 years. Loki loves him, and Brock loves him too...Or at least he loves him in his own way. He walked in and saw him lying on the bed, under the covers. Some bitch was lying next to him, platinum blonde, big tits, horrible fake tan. 

They're relationship is an open one. They fuck whoever they want, but they always come back to each other, so that must be a good thing. She was cuddled up next to him, lying her head on his chest. He went up to them and grabbed the girl by her hair. 

He yanked, and she woke up. She said "Ow!" She grabbed at her hair and looked up at Loki. She asked "What the fuck?!"

He gestured his hand in a 'shoo' suggestion and said "Move." He then started to gently shaking Brock awake.

He groaned and asked "What?" 

Loki said "Babe...Baby c'mon, wake up." 

He groaned again and then looked at the ebony haired man. He smiled a sleepy smiled and said "Hey...There you are...You have fun last night?"

Loki nodded and smiled. He said "Yeah...Feel like shit, though. C'mon, let's go home." 

He nodded and that's when he looked over at the girl. He asked "The fuck are you? Get outta here."

Her jaw dropped and she pointed at Loki. She said "He yanked my hair!"

Brock shrugged and asker "So? The fuck I care?" Then he started getting dressed. 

She got dressed to and she quickly got up and stormed out, huffing and grumbling. Then Loki stepped towards the hallway and called out "Nice extensions, sweetie!" 

Then he turned back to Brock, who just finished pulling his shoes back on. He then got up and when he got to Loki, he wrapped an arm around his waist, and kissed him on the lips. He asked "You ready?"

Loki nodded and smiled. Brock said "Alright. C'mon, I'll make some pancakes or somethin' when we get home."

**

After they got home, they showered together, and ate some breakfast. Then Brock was playing video games, while Loki was lying on their bed. They had an alright place. It wasn't anything super fancy, cause they'd end up trashing it or something. But they limed their place. 

It wasn't like they were living in an abandoned crackhouse or something. They used to when they first started dating, that's where they met. But soon, they found a better place. Brock works, and Loki does to. 

Brock is a drug dealer. He had a hard time when he first started, he started his Junior year in High School. But he's making a lot more money, and they're not homeless. Loki makes a lot of money too. Most of the time, he's a stripper. He works as one at a club called The Red Star. It's a Unisex place, and he's the main attraction. 

Mainly, because most of the dancers there, have no fucking clue what they're doing. Loki grew up being trained as a dancer. Ever since he was 4. He's done everything from Ballet, Jazz, Hip-Hop, Swing, you name it. He knows how to kill it for a crowd, and they love him.

He started pole dancing when he was 17. He was at a friends house, and his mom was a whore. She'd always flirt with his friends, even with the ones who were under 18. She had a stripper pole, they got drunk, and Loki was dared to try it. Even when he's drunk, Loki is still a great dancer.

So he tried it, and he was surprised he was actually good at it. After that, he sucked his friends dick, then kept coming over to practice, when he was sober. Eventually he took a class, and he hasn't let that talent go to waste. 

He works most of the week, and even on shitty days, he makes more money than anyone else there. When he's not dancing at the club, he's a prostitute. He doesn't work out on the street, he's not stupid, Brock sets him up with friends of his, male and female.

But lately, he's been set up with a more wealthy clientele. He makes almost as much as Brock does, maybe even more. Tonight he has to work at the club. Brock always comes and watches him dance. Then as soon as they get home, he gives Loki a nice, hard fucking.

Loki stood by an open window, leaning again the window pane. He took a drag from his cigarette, tapping the ashes out of the window. He always wonders if he's happy. Most of the time he is, but only when he's seriously high or hammered. But when he's sober, he usually feels depressed.

It kind of feels stupid to him. He's got a boyfriend, a roof over his head, makes a shit ton of money, has friends, he should be happy, right? He shrugged it off, and keeps his eyes on the bustling city ahead.


	2. The Gems of The Red Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night at the club. Loki as Harley Quinn. Bad news.

Later that night, Brock pulled up to the club to drop Loki off. Brock said "Alright baby, I'm gonna park, I'll meet you inside." 

Loki smiled and said "Okay." Then leaned in and kissed him. 

Brock hummed and said "One more." They kissed a couple more tines, before Brock said "God, you're fuckin' sexy. Knock 'em dead babe." 

Loki giggled and grabbed his bag, before hauling himself out. Brock managed to quickly smack his ass, before Loki shut the door and walked over to the employee entrance.

It was hard to decide what he wanted to dress up as for tonight. But after some time, and some help from Brock, he's going in his [Harley Quinn](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e3/44/2c/e3442ca69f8069d7bee52029a7962e02.jpg) outfit. Ever since Suicide Squad went nuts, he's seen his fair share of Harley's at the club.

But he decided _'fuck it'_ and is doing it himself. He hasn't been Harley before, but he likes it. Although getting his [hair](https://media.allure.com/photos/5771a1ad8d432b9e20f91309/master/pass/beauty-trends-blogs-daily-beauty-reporter-2014-12-15-pigtails.jpg) fixed the way he wanted, was a nightmare. But then he remembered it's just gonna get messed up anyways, so why make such a fuss about it? 

But he got it up in some pigtails, didn't bother with the colors Harley does, no one would be able to see it. The makeup was easy, and Brock helped get the fake tattoos on. Loki even has the _'Lucky You'_ tattoo on his pelvis, that ones his favorite one.

He was excited to get dressed up and as soon as he opened the door, the music that was bleeding through the door, was now blasted. _'They really are trying to make us go deaf, aren't they?'_ He thought. 

When he got into the dressing rooms for the guys, there was hardly anyone in there. He quickly got dressed and then took a look at himself in the mirror. He turned and looked at every angle he could, fixing the tiny shorts so no surprises happen. 

He then smiled at himself and said "Cute." Then the door opened. His manager David, said "Ah hey Loki, glad, you're here..." Then he gave Loki a once over. He said "Nice outfit. Hey, if you were about to go to one of the poles, I got a lap dance for you. Some fat [guy](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/marvelcinematicuniverse/images/d/df/Stern_CATWS.png/revision/latest?cb=20140825190338) at booth 4, asked for you specifically."

The younger man said "Alright, I'll be right out."

David nodded and said "Good. Oh and I gotta warn you, this guy smells kinda funky, and he's got these weird duck lips."

Loki groaned and said "Great." When David left, he checked his outfit one last time before going out.

When he got to the guy, Loki's stomach churned. He could smell the guy a couple feet away, and he was dreading this. But he quickly threw on a flirty smile and said "Hi there. You wanted me?" Before biting his lip.

The guy looked nervous, but he smiled and said "Yes I did...Oh here." Then he pulled out his wallet, which looked stuffed with cash, and he pulled out a $20.

He handed it to him and said "For you...And maybe if you're as good as they say you are, I'll give you more."

Loki really wanted to throw up. And it wasn't just the smell. The guy in all, just made him wanna wretch. But he just giggled and said "Awww...Well thank you. Don't worry baby, I'll make it worth your while." 

**

Loki tries to keep a straight and happy face as he moved in time with  _Stroke Me,_ the Mickey Avalon version, as he moved on and in front of the guy.

But it was hard, cause of the smell, and he was trying to be grabby. But Loki just kept thinking _'Don't freak out, don't freak out, if you're good, he'll give you more money'._ So that motivated him not to punch this fucker in the face.

When he was done, the guy gave him am extra $20, and thanked Loki, before he scurried off. Surprisingly, he didn't throw up after, so that's another good sign. 

**

When it was his turn to go up, the crowd roared. There's only 2 dancers at this club who people love the most. Him and his best friend Natasha. She's the hottest girl this club has, and like Loki, she grew up a dancer.

He's known Natasha since high school. She's a really cool girl, and and amazing dancer. People call them _'The Gems of The Red Star.'_ It's got a nice ring to it. Natasha isn't much of a partier, though. She drinks a little, hut she isn't at Loki's level.

Loki doesn't drink on the job, or use. Cause 1. David would bitch about of, even most of them do both while on the job. And 2. He's at his best when he's mostly sober. He doesn't go through withdrawals though, not that quick. He snorted a couple lines of Coke earlier that morning after breakfast, but that was it. 

He can still feel it, but that was hours ago, so it shouldn't affect his performance too much. He strutted on the stage as _Wild Child_ by Juliet Simms started playing, and all the guys and girls cheered.

Loki loved his job. Being a stripper actually makes him happy, cause he's making money while doing something he's so passionate about. Even if it is a job as a stripper, he's not a shit show. He knows how to be a show stopper. 

He wrapped his hand around the steel pole and slowly swayed his hips back and forth as the girl started singing.

_"I'm coming in hot,_  
_And those eyes keep looking at me._  
_Oh am I not keep looking, looking_  
_Yeah._  
_I'm over the top,_  
_And I like my chemistry,_  
_Yeah let's mix it up and all your lies._  
_Watch!_

_Gonna make a million, billion, trillion, gazillion_  
_Million, million, trillion gazillion_  
_Trili - trili_  
_Milli ' milli 'milli_  
_I'm done_

_'Cuz I'm a wild child_  
_Staying on my throne_  
_Going online coming for blood..."_

He moved with the beat, rhhen he gracefully spun in a circle, sticking one elegant leg out as he spun, the material of his fishnets gliding on the pole. Then he stood straight back up, and smiled.

_"Wild child Geronimo,_  
_Knocking em down,_  
_Blow by blow..."_  

**

After awhile, he was starting to get tored. So far, he's made well over $700 tonight. He's dance on a couple stages a couple times, which ended with hoards of cash being thrown at him and handed to him.

He's done 6 or 7 laps dances, doing another one for that gross guy he danced for earlier. The other ones came from horny guys, and even a couple ladies, who loved watching him on stage. And now finally, he gets to go home.

Brock couldn't wait to get his hands on him as soon as they left the club, and after Loki changed back into his street clothes. As soon as they had gotten outside, Brock pushed him up against the wall and started kissing him. 

Loki smiled against his lips and pulled him closer. Soon, he could feel Brock throw one of his long legs around his waist, and gasped when he pushed his hips up, his hard on rubbing against Loki's inner thigh.

Brock groaned and said "I'm gonna yer up up as soon as we get home...C'mon."  

**

When they got back to their building, Loki stopped and said "Wait, I'm gonna check the mail first, I forgot to do it earlier."

Brock groaned and said "C'mon baby, I'm ready to explode over here, wait till tomorrow."

Loki chuckled and said "I'll only be a second, I promise." Then kissed him before whispering "And as soon as we're there, you can do anything you want to me." In his ear.

Brock groaned again and said "You're killin' me here...Alright fine, hurry the fuck up."

Loki quickly checked there mailbox, and they had a couple things. Loki was about to check them, when Brock dragged him over to the elevators.

He went to pounce on Loki again, but Loki said no, and just wanted to see what they got. Brock said "Probably shit, we always get shit."

So far, it was just that. _Shit_. Then Loki came upon a letter. When he took a closer look, and saw it was from his dad.

He raised an eyebrow and quickly opened it. He hasn't heard from his Mother and Father for years. Even though he was never a big fan of Odin, he wouldn't send a letter to Loki, unless it was dead serious.

_'How the fuck did he find me, anyways??'_ He thought, then he started reading. About halfway through it, he gasped and covered his mouth with his hand, tears pooling in his eyes.

Brock raised an eyebrow and asked "What? What is it?"

Loki finished the letter and tears rolled down his eyes. He swallowed hard and struggled to keep from breaking down, and he said "M-My Mother, she...She just died." And then he broke down.


	3. Grieving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki grieves for Frigga. Brock is an ass in this chapter, and well, the rest of the story.

Brock asked "What, are you serious??" 

Loki gave him a look and asked "Does it look like I'm fucking joking, Brock??"

Loki hasn't seen his Mother Frigga or the rest of his family, since he was 20. As soon as he was 18, he was kicked out by Odin. He wasn't too happy when he found out his son was Gay, and a whore, so he threw him out.

His brother, well, his _adoptive_ Brother Thor, tried to get Odin to change his mind. Even his Mother Frigga had tried, But Odin wouldn't have it, and Loki spent some time, crashing with a few friends. 

Then when Thor moved out, he and Loki started rooming together. They had fun together, and it was really nice knowing Thor really did care about Loki. 

Loki never knew who his real parents were. All he _did_ know about them, was they were junkies, and they dumped gom off at a Police Station. That's what Frigga and Odin had told him. They adopted him, and he grew up with them, and not in the system. 

Loki guesses he's become like his real parents. But he wouldn't just dump his child for the cops to deal with, he'd wanna try and get his shit together, and be a good parent. 

Thor and Loki were always close. But Loki had sometimes felt like he was the shadow, hiding behind his brother and his greatness. Everyone adored Thor. He was charming, kind, and he became a good man. Even if Loki was jealous of him, he still loved his big brother.

He was voted _'Most Likely To Succeed'_ in high school. Loki figured he'd be voted for _'Most fucked before age 18.'_ Sex was something else Loki was incredibly good at. He liked it, he makes money from it, so why not enjoy it?

After some point, Loki had began to feel _off_ around him. He hadn't ever really felt weird or off around Thor, he was always perfectly normal. Then one time on Thor's birthday, he had plans to go out with his friends, but they all ditched him for some concert. So Loki decided "Fuck them, let's have our own little party!" so they got drunk in their apartment.

They were both laughing, having a good time, then Loki looked at Thor at one point, and he just became the hottest goddamn thing he's ever laid eyes on. He guesses Thor was feeling the same way, cause he looked at Loki like he was ready to pounce. 

And he did just that. One thing led to another, and it went from a seriously hot and heavy makeout and dry humping session, to Loki on his knees, sucking Thor's big, beautiful cock. Loki could still hear those moans in his head, to this day.

Then it all ended with Loki getting the best fucking of his life. He has had a lot of sex in his life, but Thor was and still is, the best he had ever had....In a sick, fucked up way, but he guesses it wasnt so bad since Loki was adopted, ans they aren't really related. 

After that, shit kinda hit the fan. Thor remembered everything they did, and so did Loki. Loki tried to calm him down, and Thor ended up kicking him out as well. Loki had begged and pleaded for him to give him another chance, but he didn't.

That was almost 8 years ago, when he was 20. Now has 28, and he _hates_ Thor. Even if he did fuck Loki better than anyone he's ever been with. He's even better than Brock, hut he wouldn't wanna mention that to Brock.

**

When they got back to their apartment, Brock was bitching at him about "killing the vibe." Until Loki had had enough.

He turned around and said "Brock, I don't fucking care if your hard on is dead, My _Mother_ , the only Mother I had ever known since I was a baby, _just fucking died_ , I think I have more important things to worry about right now! And if you wanna keep bitching about it, then you can sleep on the _fucking_ couch tonight!" 

Then he turned and stormed off to their bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. He changed into his Pajama's and climbed onto the bed, hugging his favorite pillow close. Thankfully he took his makeup off before they left the club, cause he buried his face in the soft pillow, and cried himself to sleep.

Loki loved Frigga. She was the kindest, wisest, and most wonderful woman Loki had ever known. She she loved him. She always favored him a little more than Thor. Mainly because Loki became so much like her. He loved her so much, and now she's gone.

She died in a car accident. It was raining hard, and she was on her way home from grocery shopping, when a semi came to fast, and hit her. She died right then and there.

He feels so guilty. The last time he had seen her face or heard her voice, he yelled at her. They had gone out to lunch together, to discuss things, and they missed each other. This was after the incident with Thor, and Loki started crashing with a "friend". 

Loki wanted to come home, but Odin was being a bitter old prick. Then when Frigga had called him Loki's Father, he teller " _HE'S NOT MY FATHER!_ " Which earned him having the whole restaurant, staring at them. 

Then she asked “So am I not your Mother?” 

He tried to stay calm, then he looked her in the eyes and said "No. You're not." He instantly regretted it the second he said it. He could see the hurt and heartbreak in her eyes, and she tried to cover it up with a bullshit smile.

Loki wanted to apologize and tell her that he didn't mean it that way, but every time he was about to open his mouth and say it, he kept seeing that hurt and that smile. Then he just closed his mouth, and stood up. He quickly stood up, leaned over to kiss her forehead, paid the bill, and walked out of there as quick as he could.

He couldn't take it back. He wishes he could, _God does he fucking wish he could take that back_. But he couldn't dare face her again after that, he broke her heart.

That's when things really started going to shit. He was already used to drinking, so his drinking got worse. He'd go on binges for days, sometimes weeks. He'd hardly eat, couldn't sleep, and just didn't really wanna be alive anymore.

He ignored thousands of calls and texts from Thor, Frigga, his friends, even Odin. Odin can't text to save his life, he only calls and writes letters. But Loki ignored them all, and started falling into a pit of sex, drugs, and losing control.

He spent the next couple of days, locked up in the apartment. Brock would bitch at him, but Loki didn't wanna hear it. Brock would mainly complain that Loki has to go to the club, or wants to fuck, but Loki didn't bother with it. He just wanted to be alone.

Then one day, while he was sleeping, his phone started ringing. He groaned and quickly moved his hand around, trying to find it. When he did find it, he didn't bother looking at the number and answered it.

He yawned and asked "Hello?"

"Loki? Loki, is that you?" He went from dead tired, to now fully awake. He quickly sat up in bed, and he couldn't believe it. 

He hasn't heard that voice in 8 years. And the last time he heard it, he had just been thrown out into the cold. He swallowed and asked " _Thor?_ " 


	4. Driving Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Road trip! (Brock slowly becomes more and more of an asshole as the story goes on, so stay tuned.)

Loki did not wanna fly out, because he was terrified of flying. And not even a Xanax would help it. Plus Brock kept bitching about how he wasn't gonna pay almost $1000 or so for a couple tickets to ride a 2 hour flight to LA, from Seattle.

So they decided to drive, spending 17 and a half hours in the car, instead...Now Loki was opting more and more for that flight, right now.

When Thor had called him, Loki missed his voice. But he also wanted to punch him in the face for what he did. And how is everyone contacting him?! He could've sworn he had changed his number. Surely he had to change his number, cause of moving to Washington. But he still has no idea how they could've gotten a hold of him.

**

"Yeah Loki, it's me...How are you?"

Loki rolled his eyes and said "I'm just Peachy. You?"

He said "I'm alright." He sounded like he had spent a lot of time crying, just like Loki had. He asked "Did you get Dad's letter?"

Loki said "Yeah, I did."

He said "Okay...Look, I'm gonna be flying out this weekend from Manhattan, for the funeral. You're more than welcome to come if you'd like."

 _'More than welcome, yeah, good one Thor.'_ Loki thought. But he said "Yeah, um...I'll be there...Is it okay if I bring someone?"

"Sure, who is it?"

Loki said "My boyfriend, Brock...I-I just figured I'd ask, just in case."

"It's fine...I'm glad you're coming. We all miss you...I'll see you this weekend. Take care."

Loki said "Okay, see ya. Bye."

"Bye." 

**

After that, Loki felt anxious. He hasn't seen his family in so long, yet he doesn't give two shits what they would think about him. They didn't fight to keep him with them, so why bother worrying about it?

He'll be forced to spend a couple days or so with them, go to the funeral, and head home. Then everything will be normal again. Well, normal for them.

But hearing Thor's voice, brought that same kind of excitement he felt the night they fucked on Thor's birthday. But then he's reminded that the very next day, Thor threw him out, and that excitement would quickly turn back to anger.

Loki sighed in the passengers seat, before taking another drag of his cigarette. He's burned through 3 in the last hour or so, due to the nerves, and he's already working on number 4. 

Soon, Brock had to stop for gas and go to use the bathroom. While he was gone, Loki pulled out his thing of Xanax. Thankfully he remembered to bring it.

And yes, they had brought a small arsenal for the trip. Anything from booze, Xanax, Coke, Ecstacy, Heroin, Meth, 6 different typed of weed, allergy and cold and flu meds, Percocet, Vicodin, Ativan, Valium, Adderall, anything that's either in your grandma's purse, to normal raves or EDC level shit, and beyond.

Which meant if they just so happened to get pulled over by a cop, they are _royally_ fucked. But since they are both brilliant liars, and know how to hide their shit well, they should be fine. And since Brock is usually the driver, they'd get away. Cause all drug dealers should know to never _EVER_ get high from their own supply. Plus, he doesn't wanna draw too much attention of said local law enforcement, wherever they go.

About half of what they got is of Brock's own supply, but the other half is from a few friends of theirs. Loki doesn't help make it, and Brock doesn't make it at there place. He's got a private place at an abandoned house, and him and some buddies make the shit there.

And they intend to make some money off from their supply, and have fun of their own with the rest, during this trip. Brock would be _pissed_ if he didn't get to sell not a dime of his stuff. Even if they're heading out for Frigga's funeral. 

Loki took one of the heavenly happy pills from it's container, and popped it into his mouth. Then he took a few sips of water, and waited for it to kick in. And if it didn't kick in quick enough, then he'd pull out his Jack Daniels or Grey Goose, and take a couple sips.

A couple sips wouldn't kill him, but it'll give the pill the little kick it needs, cause he feels _really_ wound up. Hopefully he can sleep the rest of the way there.

**

He did just that and when he woke up, Brock said "We're about 30 minutes from LA. Your brother say he where we were gonna meet 'em?"

Loki nodded and said "Yeah, at LAX. Their plane landed a couple hours ago, I think. They were running a day late, something with some bitch he's dating, I guess."

He nodded and asked "You good?"

Loki shrugged and said "I dunno...Took some Xanax the last time you stopped for gas...But I think I'm alright."

He nodded and asked "You wanna sleep some more?"

Loki said "Nah, I can't...But when we get to the house, I'm getting me a damn drink."

Brock said "Same here...Hey, you think anyone there would wanna buy somethin'? Maybe your brother?"

Loki gave him a look and chuckled. He said "Baby if you tried that, then we would be having _your_ funeral, right after hers." And started cackling, until he had to cover his face with both hands to try to suppress his laughter.

Brock rolled his eyes and said "Whatever."

**

They had finally gotten to LAX, and when they got there, the traffic was fucking _awful_. Brock was screaming his head off, honking at the other cars around them.

At one point, Loki rolled his eyes and said "Honking and yelling at them, clearly isn't doing anything, Brock." A lot of people were backed up in a long line, while trying to get them through so they could park.

Brock then honked and yelled at some family with a Blue Sedan, and Loki said "Brock, shut the fuck up!"

Brock quickly turned to Loki and slapped him across the face. It wasn't the first time he's hit Loki. He hardly ever hits Loki, but when he does, you better _shut the fuck up_ and be seen, not heard.

He then pointed at Loki and said "Yell at me again Bitch, and see what fuckin' happens."  

But this time, Loki was not about to shrink away. Loki then unbuckled his seat belt and shoved at Brock. He said "Hey, fuck you! Fuck you, I was only trying to help! That's how you wanna treat me?! Fine! Fuck you then, have fun parking!" He shoved Brock again, and Brock just looked at him. _'Big talker. Just sitting there, doing nothing.'_

Loki quickly got his backpack up from the floor, which between his legs, and grabbed his rolling suitcase from the back seat. Then he opened his door Then he asked "Who the fuck do you think you are, hitting me?! You won't _ever_ find someone as good as me again, remember that! So when you're ready to change your tampon, come find me!" 

Then he hauled himself and his stuff, out of the car and flipped Brock off, before slamming the door shut. Thankfully if he gets stopped by airport security, his Xanax is prescribed. And Brock would be parked, outside they wouldn't check for anything if he's just sitting there, probably.

Cars honked at Loki as some were about to move, but he just ignored them, and started walking. _'Fuck, I forgot how fucking hot is is over here'_ he thought. And wearing fuzzy pajama pants, and a zip up hoddie, in blazing hot weather, wasn't helping either.

Brock got out of the car and was leaning against the door. He called out "Babe! Babe, come on, 'M'Sorry! Loki, c'mon!" 

Loki just flipped him off without looking at him, and kept walking. Brock then shut his door and ran to catch up with himm when he got to Loki, he stopped him and said "Baby, baby, he, hey, hey. Look at me, hey." 

Loki looked up at him through his lashes, some tears pooled in his green eyes, and Brock said "I didn't mean to hit ya, I'm sorry...I just got mad, this line is insane, and it's hot as Hell out here...But I didn't mean that, 'M'sorry...Please baby, get back in the car, before you die of a heatstroke out here, huh?"

Loki then sighed and said "Alright, fine." 

Brock smiled and said "Atta boy, c'mon baby." And they walked back to the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I forgot to add a picture of what Loki would look like, and I added it in the first chapter, to show you how awful he would look. But his hair wouldn't be as messy as it in the picture, all the time. But a lot of times, it would be like that.
> 
> (Picture from Thor: The Dark World)


	5. Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Loki for the first time in almost 8 years. Introducing Jane. Awkward car ride.

After they had finally managed to get the car parked, Brock stayed in the car, while Loki went to go inside to find Thor. 

As he was walking inside, he nearly ran into someone. He quickly huffed and said "Hey, watch where you're fucking going! -" that's when he stopped and realized it was [Thor](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/77/cc/37/77cc374b6c95d82b232ce166d62de406.jpg).

Loki's jaw dropped and he mumbled "Holy shit.." 

Thor smiled big and said "Loki!" Before Loki could react, Thor grabbed him and pulled him in a tight hug. Loki didn't hug back, but he made shmurr when he tapped the ash off the end of cigarette number 5, he made sure it was where it wouldn't burn him or set his clothes on fire.

Thor hugged him tight and chuckled. Then he broke the hug, and said "I can't believe it...It's so good to see you." 

Loki nodded and said "Mhm." Before taking another drag. It took about a moment or so before Thor really _saw_ Loki. 

He'll admit, he hasn't looked so hot lately. He's more toned than he used to be when he was a teenager. But that could change with a few more years of using.

Loki isn't exactly a gym rat, but he goes and works out with Brock most of the time when he goes. Plus his diet is strict, he stays away from fast food, and avoids junk food. Even when he gets the munchies, he'll just eat carrots and celery like a goddamn rabbit. If he can't keep his body healthy from his current lifestyle, the least he could do is eat healthy and work out.

He's got clear lean, toned muscle, but he's just not beefed up. The best parts on his body have got to be his legs, and his ass. He pays a lotnof attention on those areas, cause he's known for his legs and his ass, he gets so many compliments for them, so he wants to keep them up.

Brock loves Loki's ass, says he has a better ass than most of the girls he knows. Oh and his cock is his 3rd favorite part. It's above average, but not monstrous. It's long, slender but not too thin, and elegant. Just like Loki. But his body overall is slender and toned.

Thor however, looks  _[great](http://img3.rnkr-static.com/user_node_img/50010/1000186150/870/chris-hemsworth-in-shirtless-with-black-slim-jeans-all-people-photo-u1.jpg)_. He's a lot bigger and tall than what he was in high school, or even before Thor kicked him out. His hair is longer too. Still the same color, sitting a little ways past his shoulder. But he looks like he's been really keeping himself up, and despite the fact that Loki wants to pop in in the nose, he always wants to have his hands (and his tongue) all over him.

Loki gave him a quick once over, before taking another drag. Thor said "Well um...You look....Different..." He looked concerned, and a tiny bit disgusted. _'Oh now he's worried.'_

Loki smirked and said "I know, I look just ravishing, don't I? Thank you, _Brother_." Before giving him a shit eating grin.

Thor just nodded, and that's when they heard someone cleared their throat. They quickly looked over to the girl standing next to Thor. Loki had _just_ noticed she was there.

Thor said "Oh Loki um...This is Jane Foster...My fiancé."

 _'Fiancé?...Her???'_ Loki did a once over of her as well, his eyebrow raised. When the light got too much for his eyes, he pulled his sunglasses down over, covering them. But that didn't stop the look he was giving her. 

She gave Loki the same look, but then threw on a fake smile. ' _Bitch_.' She held our her hand and said "Hi, it's so nice to meet you...Thor's told me a lot about you."

 _'I bet he has...Wonder how she'd react if I told her I sucked his cock until he could see stars.'_ Loki smiled at the thought and said "Nice to meet you too, Jenny."

She said "Jane. It's Jane, actually."

Loki chuckled and said "Jane, I'm sorry...It's been a long trip, do forgive me." 

She smiled and said "It's okay. Yeah, it's been a long one for us, as well...How are you?"

_'How are you?. Depressed, heartbroken, angry, contemplating wanting to kill myself, wanting to scream until my heart gives out, while begging for God to give her back, so I can tell her I'm sorry.'_

But Loki just shrugged and said "I don't..." He felt tears coming, and he could hear his voice start to shake. But he just swallowed and said "Not really okay, I-I guess..."

She nodded and Thor said "I'm sure we all feel the same way...Where's your boyfriend?"

Loki raised both eyebrows and asked "Hmm?"

He repeated saying "Your boyfriend. You said your boyfriend wad coming with you, right?"

Loki quickly nodded and said "Oh y-yeah, um...He's in the car."

Thor raised an eyebrow and asked "The car? Why isn't he here with you?"

'Damn.' He said "Oh um...I guess the heat is getting to him, so he's cooling off in the car." Which was a shitty lie, considering Loki's current fashion statement.

Thor didn't look convince, Jane lookee like she could care less, and Thor didn't press on. He just nodded and said "Okay. Then let's go meet him, then." 

**

When they got to the car, Brock got out of the car. He turned around and shut the door, before resting his arms on the top of the car. He nodded and asked "That them, Babe?"

Loki nodded and said "Yeah...Brock, this is my adoptive brother Thor, and his fiancé Jen - I mean, Jane. Guys, this us my boyfriend, Brock."

They said hi, and Brock nodded and said "Hey. Y'all need help with your bags?"

They helped them get the bags into the trunk, carefully moving aside the other bags, the ones with their _stuff_. Then Thor asked "Brock, is um...Is it okay if I drive us to the house?"

Brock shrugged and said "Don't matter to me, as long as we get there. Just don't fuck up my car, alright?"

Thor nodded and said "Yeah, no problem." Giving him an odd look. Then Jane and him claimed the front, while Loki and Brock sat in the back.

Almost all the windows were up, except Loki's. He kept his down, so he could smoke. But then Brock asked for one at some point, now his window us down too. Brock doesn't smoke often and not as often as Loki. But he only started smoking, shortly after him and Brock got together.

There are times Loki could blush at how quickly he's burned through a pack, in a day or two. He's thought about quitting, and he's tried before. But it's hard, it's _very_ addictive. But maybe once they get back to Seattle, he could try again.

They spent the next 20 minutes in silence. Loki stared out at the desert land, while he blew smoke from his lips. It's been so long since he's lived in LA, it feels strange being back. He doesn't feel welcome.

Then Brock asked "So whatta you guys do for a livin'?" 

Thor smiled and said "Well, I'm the CEO of a construction company, and Jane is an Astrophysicist. She has 3 degrees." 

_'Oooh, little Miss Perfect, little Miss Science geek, pfft. Big whoop. They wouldn't work."_

Brock asked "What's that?"

Jane turned ad looked back at him, smiling. She said an Astrophysicist is a scientist who researches the principles of light, motion, and natural forces as they pertain to the universe at large. We use theoretical physics studies in an attempt to learn more about the underlying properties of the cosmos.

Some Astrophysicist's specialize in studying a particular phenomenon or theory, like black holes, the development and extinction of stars, relativity and motion, or the origin of the universe."

Brock nodded and said "Cool...How much would you get paid for a gig like that?"

Jane said "Well, I don't do it for the money. Astrophysics is a huge part of my life, I would do it, even if I didn't get paid for it...What so you guys do?"

She looked between them both, and Brock said "Well...I'm in uh, the manufacturing and distribution business....And Loki here, is uhhh.... _Entertainment_."

Loki snorted, coughing a little from the smoke, and he looked over at Brock. Brock winked at him. Jane nodded and asked "Oh really? That sounds cool, what kind of Entertainment?"

Loki licked his lips and smirked. He said "Well uh...I'm not gonna yank on your chain, Jane, but um....Ah the Hell with it, I'm a stripper."

Thor started coughing like he was choking on air, and his beautiful eyes looking up at Loki through the rear view mirror. Jane's eyes went wide, and Loki smiled.

He shrugged and asked "What? I'm not ashamed of it. Might as well tell the truth, especially since I'm gonna he spending some good quality time with my future _sister-in-law_ , right?" Before taking another drag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so imagine Thor with the hair and beard and stuff from the first pic, and the body from the first Thor (Drooling until I drown)


	6. Settling In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin's house. Thor talks to Loki in private.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Good. When they reached the neighborhood where Odin and Frigga lived, Loki asked "They still lived here, even after we left?"

Thor said "Yeah. Dad's too stubborn, he wouldn't move even if he was forced at gunpoint, probably."

They chuckled and then pulled into the driveway. When they got out, they went inside, and was quickly greeted by a few members of their family. Loki doesn't remember most of them, but they _definitely_  remember  him. 

After greeting some of them, Brock and Loki head upstairs to get there stuff put up. They carefully hide the bags filled with their _stuff_ , and hopefully, no one finds them.

**

While they were unpacking clothes, there was a knock on the door. Loki went and answered it, and Thor was standing there. He looked at Loki, and Loki knows that look. It's Thor's look for _'I better get answers now or so help me God, I will kick your ass.'_

Thor asked "Brock, is it okay if I talk to Loki in private? Just to catch up a little?" 

Brock nodded and said "Sure man, go ahead. I'm gonna head downstairs, okay babe?"

Loki nodded and smiled. He said "Okay." And they shared a quick peck before Brock headed out.

When Thor made sure he was gone, he closed and locked the door behind him, and then went over and sat down on the edge of the bed. Loki leaned up against a tall dresser, and neither one of them said anything for a few minutes.

Then Thor said "So...We got much to discuss, I see."

Loki nodded and said "Yep."

He said "Your boyfriend is.... _Interesting_. Where'd you meet him?"

Loki said "At a party...About 3 years ago...Where'd you meet _her?_ " 

Thor said "College. During my Junior year...She's a good girl, you'd really like her, once you got to know her."

Loki snorted and said "Yeah, right...It'll never work."

Thor quickly looked up at him through his lashes and asked "And what makes you so sure?"

Loki rolled his eyes and said "She's too much of a Princess...I could tells as soon as I saw her. And I _know_ you, Thor. Better than you think I do."

Thor snorted and said "Yeah like you're never wrong...From what I can tell, your man isn't exactly _Prince Charming_."

Loki shrugged and asked "Who says we all get Prince Charming?...I for awhile, I thought I had Prince Charming...Till he kicked me out of the castle after his birthday ball. " 

Then Thor stood up. He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. He said "Loki...You know why I did it-"

"No Thor, I don't know! Yeah, I know, we were drunk, people do stupid shit when they're drunk. But I didn't regret it. I loved every second of it, and I know you did too! But you freaked out, and kicked me out!"

Thor said "What we did was wrong, Loki...Now it isn't cause you're Gay, I don't care about that, that's just fine. But you're my brother, Loki. Adopted or not you're my little brother...You've always been my little brother. My job is to be there for you, take care of you, not fuck you."

Loki said "You did take care of me that night, Thor...That was the best goddamn night of my life. I still haven't forgotten about it...You were the best I ever had, Thor...No one, not even _Brock_ can make me feel the same way you made me feel...Every time I get fucked now, I think about you...It's the only thing that makes me come anymore..."

Loki let his eyes roam Thor's body and he swallowed. His breathing changed a little, until he looked back up into his eyes. He said "And looking at you now...I just want you all over again..."

He watched Thor, eyes sharp. Waiting to see how he reacts. And though he didn't see much of a change he could see that Thor was just the slightest bit, _aroused_.

Loki took a step closer, until he was within reach of the older man. He asked "Tell me, Brother...Does she make you feel good when you two fuck? Does she do things to you that no one else does, or makes you feel things no one else could ever _dream_ of making you feel?"

Thor swallowed and said "She does."

Loki smirked and shook his head. "You're a terrible liar." 

He then turned to walk away, when Thor said "Loki." The younger man turned to face Thor and Thor asked "If she didn't make me feel any of that, then why are we getting married?"

Loki said "Cause she said you were. Anything else you wanna ask? Cause imnsure you're absolutely _buzzing_ about how well I look."

Thor said "Yes actually...What are you doing? Are you on drugs or something?"

Loki shrugged and said "I dunno...What makes you think I am? Is that... _Concern_ , I hear and see, Brother?"

Thor said "Don't play that shit with me Loki, I'm your brother, you can tell me...But you look _terrible_."

Loki put his hand on his chest, saying "I'm touched. Thank you for that wonderful compliment, Thor!"

"Loki Odinson-"

"It's Laufeyson now, actually...You should remember that, I changed my last name after you kicked me out." He then opened the door and said "Oh and if you need me, I'll be downstairs getting a drink. Nice catching up Thor, we simply _must_ do it again soon."  Then flipped him off, before heading downstairs.

**

After Loki got downstairs, he nearly ran into someone. That's when he saw it was Odin. Odin looked at him in surprise and said "Loki...My God son, you look _terrible_."

Loki smiled and said "I've gotten so many compliments today, I'm truly flattered...And hello Father...Have I made you proud?"

Odin said "Loki...I know I was real hard on you back then...But you gotta understand...What you do...It isn't right."

Loki nodded and pretended agree. Then he asked "Question, do you mean my being Gay, a whore, or both? Or could it be all the other stuff I do with me time? There's simply much to choose from."

Odin asked "What do you mean by that?"

Loki patted the older mans shoulder and said "Let's not fuss about it now, I'd like to spend some time with my family. May I ask, do you happen to have any alcohol here, Father? It's been so long, I can't recall if you still do. But I would love a nice drink, right about now." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know Thor would definitely not be into Loki with the whole Jane situation, and I wouldn't make it happen right now, but that's why we have Build Up! :D Slow burn!,:D. Angst! :D. Stay tuned, more, coming tomorrow!
> 
> And wellz Thor could just be having a tug of wat kinda thing going on, we never really know what we want, do we? And I know that it might sound weird or gross since they grew up together, but if they're not actually related, except through adoption, then it should be no big deal, right?
> 
> But then again, I ship Thorki HARD. STAY TUNED! :D.


	7. "Quality Time"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki spends some "Quality Time" with his family. Drunk Loki. Thor takes him upstairs for a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I lied, this one is DEFINITELY the last one for tonight :p.

After a few drinks, Loki was feeling s little better...Until he remembered he still has Xanax going through his system.

He's usually very careful about not mixing, because he's overdosed before, or was sent to the hospital for accidentally mixing whrteher it's two different drugs, or alcohol with certain drugs. But he hasn't mixed in a long time, and right now, he doesn't care. 

After six or seven drinks, and many large gulps from a couple bottles, Loki was definitely more than a little buzzed. Thankfully, there were no young kids there, not yet anyways. They won't be here till the funeral.

Loki spent a lot of time rambling on, laughing at anything and everything. Some of the people humored him so he wouldn't feel bad, but there were definrely ones who wanted Loki to stop. Especially Thor, Jane, and Odin.

Right now, Loki was curled up next to Brock, beginning for him to cuddle him. But Brock was too busy looking at his phone, and just said a few "Uh huh's", "Yeah's", "Yeah, that's great babe's, every so often. 

Thor was talking to Odin and he looked over at Loki. Loki was trying to paw at Brock for some attention, then Thor said "I'm worried about him."

Odin nodded and said "Me too...I fear he may have slipped so far, since before he left."

Thor said "Dad, you kicked him out for being Gay...Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

Odin said "I'll admit it, it was. But I wasn't seeng clearly. Remember son, I grew up inna different time. Forgive me if I'm not entirely too thrilled about it..But I do regret it, despite what you and him may think."

Thor nodded and that's when he leaned in and quietly said "I think he's doing drugs..."

Odin looked at him confused and he asked "What makes you think that?"

Thor said "Dad, _look at him_. He looks _horrible_. I've never seen him look so bad, not even while he would get sick. I may be wrong, but I think he's either doing drugs, has a drinking problem, or both. Cause he does not look fine, at all."

Odin nodded and said "He certainly doesn't...Maybe I should talk to him-"

"No, I will...I talked to him earlier, but I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say. Don't worry, I'll take care of it."

**

Thor went over to where Brock and Loki were sitting, and when Loki saw Thor, his face lit up in a huge grin. He sort of threw his hands up and said "Thor! Heyyy what's up? Great party, huh???"

Thor nodded and smiled. He said "Yeah buddy, it's a great party. You feeling okay?"

Loki sat up and scooted towards him. Brock didn't even budge, face still buried in his phone. Loki said "I-I feel great...I'm a little hungry, and I realllllly want another drink. You wanna drink? I'll makeya one! I-I-I am...The best damn....Shit what's the word...BARTENDER! I'm the best damn barrrrtender in the whole world! C'mon, I'll show ya!"

Thor said "Actually Loki, how about you show me later, okay? Right now, you should take a nap."

The younger man pouted and said "A nap?...But 'Mnot tired...Is it cause I'm in trouble? Did I steal from the cookie jar again? Tell dad I am _innocent_ , cause I haven't had any cookies for five years, I've been a good boy...They're bad for me..."

Thor said "No buddy, you're not in trouble. And that's very good, I'm proud of you. But we're gonna eat in a little while, and I just wanted to help you sleep a little, before that."

Loki said "Ahhhhhh....M'kay. C'mon!" 

Thor said "Hold on Loki, let me give you a bottle of water first, okay?" 

He nodded and went back to pawijg at Brock. When Thor came back, he looked at Brock and asked "Mind if I step him for a bit?*

Brock said "Go nuts man." Still not looking up from his phone. _'Asshole.'_ Thor thought. Then he turned to Loki.

"Alright buddy, I'm gonna help toy get up the stairs and to your room, okay? Just stay right be."

Loki nodded and said "M'kay!" Then This helped him to his feet. He then looked back at Brock and said "Bye baby! I'll be back, love youuuu."

Brock said "Love you too, babe." Then they started making their way to the stairs. Thor had one arm wrapped around his wait, and Loki's arm, thrown over his shoulder. Loki held onto the water bottle for dear life, in one hand.

As they made their way up the stairs, he said "I really...I really love him, you know that? I love him, he's my rayyyy of beautiful sunshine!" Grinning like the Joker. Then he said "BUT! He also loves me to...I know he loves me."

'Then why am I the one taking you upstairs, instead of him? Since he can't be bothered to get off his phone and his ass, and help you get sobered up.'

Then Loki suddenly looked at him worried and he asked "He does love me...Doesn't he?"

Thor rolled his eyes, but nodded. He said "Yeah Loki, he loves you."

Loki then smiled, relief washing over his face. He said "Okay good...Don't scare me like that...'Snot nice..."

**

Once they got to Loki and Brock's room, Thor carefully got him on the bed. He had coerced Loki to take a few sipa of water from the bottle, before setting it down on the nightstand, and had him lie down, until he was complete horizontal. 

Loki said "This bed is so squishy." Smiling at it. 

Thor said "Yeah buddy, very squishy."

Loki nodded and said "Squishy beds are where it's at...What're you doing?"

Thor said "You're gonna take a nap, remember?"

Loki giggled and said "Oh yeah...Hey, I got an idea!"

 _'Oh Lord.'_ Loki then said "Get in the bed with me! C'mon, it'll be like when we we're little! We don't do it anymore, and it makes me sad."

Thor said "No buddy, I gotta get back downstairs."

Loki asked "Are you gonna take advantage of me?"

Thor furrowed his eyebrows, and he asked "What? No, Loki, no."

Loki smiled and bit his lip in a flirty way. He said "I want you to...I really want you to..." That's when Thor saw him slowly started rubbing his cock through his pajama's and he groaned. 

He said "However you want... _God_ Thor, you can do anything you want to me, anything, _fuck_....Mmm...I miss you..." Loki wasn't kidding anymore. He was always a little horny when he was drunk, but Loki was now getting to be almost the same way he was, ever since _that_  night.

The younger man's mouth dropped open a little as he started rubbing harder, moving a little faster, his drunk and dilated eyes, locked on Thor. He asked "You want me? Hmm? You can have me, we can make it quick, they'll never know..." Then he whispered "Our little secret...Jane won't ever know..." 

 _Jane_. That's when he finally snapped out of it, and remembered he was engaged. Without another word, Thor quickly walked out, heading back downstairs. Loki must've done that on purpose. Even if he's drunk, he's gotta know _exactly_ how Thor feels about that.

But he didn't leave right away, which he regrets not doing cause if Loki remembers what happened, then he'll get the wrong idea, and wanna keep doing it. And the last thing Thor needs, is for _that_ to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, GOODNIGHT!! :D.


	8. Ashes To Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the funeral.

When Loki woke up, he groaned. His head hurt, but not as bad as it usually would. He looked around and saw he was in their bed, alone.

He shifted onto his side and wondered how he got there. He was downstairs wasn't he?

That's when he remembered Thor. Thor helped him up here. Got him into bed...But right now, that's all he could remember. He got up and realized he really had to pee. After he went pee, he looked at himself in the mirror. 

He swallowed and that's when he could see the hurt on Frigga's face. Then he pointed to his reflection and said " _You_ look like shit."

**

Today was the day of the funeral. Loki really didn't wanna go. He _really_ didn't. How can they expect him to look at her body in a box, and not just break down and cry? 

He really didn't wanna go. But if he doesn't go, he'll just feel 20 times worse. He loved Frigga and even though he broke her heart, he's gonna be there. He could do at least that for her.

While they got ready, he asked Brock where he was keeping the Coke at. He's tired, and he needs something to keep him awake. After Brock pulled it out, and a small hand mirror. He set it down on the the counter and asked "How many?"

Loki said for just two so far, and Brock made a couple lines for him, and Loki snorted them right up. He instantly felt better. He's seen shit like before and after pictures of the toll drugs and alcohol takes on a person.

For some people, they turn to shit within a year or two. For others, it's longer. Well Loki's been doing doing both for 7 and a half years, and he looks pretty damn good for his situation, or at least he thinks he does.

His skin isn't all broken out, all the teeth in his head are still all his, their not rotted out, or a nasty ass black or yellow, he's lucky. Don't know how, but he is. Well he doesn't use every single day, just whenever he needs it, or before he starts going through withdrawal, which always hurts like a bitch.

He does look really tired, though. He'll admit when he looks like shit. He looks tired, his eyes sockets are really sunken in, and he just looks wiry all the time.

He wonders how he's not like any other drug addict or alcoholic, especially after almost 8 years of it. He should look like a goddamn Goblin or something, right now...But he guesses he's just lucky.

But give it a few more years, and he'll probably get there. But it's not like he's doing Heroin or Meth. His main stuff is just pills, Coke, weed, booze, and cigarettes. He just feels lucky. 

Brock did a couple himself, and they finished getting ready. Loki hates suits, he always feels uncomfortable in them. And this one was itchy. He grumbled at it as he kept adjusting it.

Brock wasn't wearing a suit. He was just wearing normal black shirt, black jeans. And he was taking forever with his hair. Loki had his hair done and ready, and now he's starving. He headed downstairs to try and find something to eat, when he saw Thor and Jane in the kitchen.

They were talking and then they noticed Loki. Jane raised an eyebrow at him, looking him up at down. _'I can see you, and two can play at that game, sweetheart.'_

Then he noticed Thor was looking at him in a funny way. He couldn't exactly tell what, since the Coke had kicked in a little. But there had to be some reason as to why he was looking at the young man, that way. Maybe Loki did something he can't remember from last night. It'll come to him soon enough.

Jane then smiled and said "Wow...You look.... _Nice._ " 

Loki nodded and said "Yeah, you too." Then he looked at Thor. _'God, he looks hot in a suit.'_

Then Thor said "Hey, Loki...You feel better?"

Loki nodded and said "Yep. Just fine...I'm gonna go out for a smoke, you guys want any?"

They shook their heads and Loki said "No? Well alright, fuck you then." And went out to the back porch.

He lit one up and inhaled, before pulling it out. He let the smoke seep out from his lips, and let the sweet cancer stick sit between his fingers.

That's when he heard Thor ask "Can I talk to you?"

Loki turned a little, but didn't look at him. He said "You already are...What do you want?"

Thor stepped forward and asked "What's going on with you?"

Loki took another drag and said "I don't know what you mean."

He said "You knoe exactly what I mean. What's going on with you? You look sick, worn out, Loki please, tell me what's wrong....Be honest with me, are you doing drugs? Do you have a drinking problem? Whatever it is, just tell me, I'm not gonna judge you-"

Loki then turned and looked at him, and said "I'm fine Thor. I'm a grown man, I'm fine."

Thor said "Well you certainty don't look fine. And by the way, what's with that stripping thing, huh? What all that about?"

Loki shrugged and said "I'm a stripper. There's nothing to explain. I am a dancer after all, and I get paid damn good for it, what's there to explain?"

Thor said "You're a stripper. That's not the kinda career I'd want for you, or your family-"

"And what would you know what I want, Thor? When did you suddenly become Big Brother? I don't see a problem with it, I make 6 figures with what I do, I sure as Hell am not complaining about that. As long as I'm making money, then what's the problem?"

Thor shook his head and said "Look Loki, I don't wanna fight with you-"

"Then why are you still talking?"

He said "Oh I don't know, maybe I miss my little brother, and I'm worried about him. And he's being a dickhead to everybody."

Loki chuckled and took another drag. He said "Well don't be...You certainly spent the last 8 years worried, I'm sure. Look, I only came here so I can bury our Mother. I don't care about you, or our Father, or your prissy little Princess Fiancé, alright? As soon as everything is done, I'm heading back to Seattle. I'll be out of your hair, and you'll never have to see me again..."

Thor just stood there, staring at Loki. Loki then dropped his cigarette butt to the ground, and ground it into the grass with his heel. He said "I'll see you in the car."

He went to walk away, when Thor said "Wait...Loki, wait."

Loki groaned and turned around. He asked "What now?"

Thor said "You're lying, you know...Being a Silver Tongue and all, I can still tell when you're lying."

Loki raised an eyebrow and asked "And what exactly do you think I'm lying about, Thor?"

Thor said "Everything...The drugs, the drinking...You look like you're on something right now...What is it? Heroin? Coke? What's your favorite?"

Loki shook his head and looked at Thor in disgust, even though he wasn't wrong. He just turned and said "Fuck you, Thor." Then turned and walked away.

Thor said "And that you don't care about me! I know you're _definitely_ lying about that too! But that's alright, I guess!"


	9. And Dust To Dust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral. Then the reception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept listening to Hurt by Christina Aguilera whole writing this, and I almost cried asjdfdkssaklf

 

 

> _Seems like it was yesterday, when I saw your face._  
>  _You told me how proud you were, but I walked away._  
>  _If only I knew, what I know today._  
>  _Ooh ooh..._  
>    
>  _I would hold you in my arms,_  
>  _I would take the pain away._  
>  _Thank you for all you've done,_  
>  _Forgive all your mistakes._  
>    
>  _There's nothing I wouldn't do,_  
>  _To hear your voice again._  
>  _Sometimes I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there._  
>    
>  _Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you, for everything I just couldn't do._  
>  _And I've hurt myself, by hurting you._
> 
> - _"Hurt"_ by Christina Aguilera

 

**

When they got to the cemetery, Loki hardly talked to anyone. And he was especially not talking to Thor. He didn't even wanna look at him. He just wanted this to get over with, so him and Brock could go home.

Thor wasn't wrong though. Loki does care about Thor, he just doesn't like being wrong. But after Thor kicked him out, he lost almost all trust in Thor, and Loki became bitter with it.

Brock was being an ass while they were getting ready. But Loki's used to it. But if he keeps it up, Loki won't bother fucking him later or when they get home.

There's a part of Loki that doesn't wanna go. He doesn't wanna leave Thor. Maybe he was right, Loki is being a dickhead...Maybe if they got drunk enough again, they could fuck, like old times. Hell, Jane could watch, Loki would love that. 

As much as that makes Loki sound like an even bigger asshole, he doesn't care. Fucking is fucking, it doesn't have to mean anything. But what they did that night _did_ mean something, to Loki at least. 

He sighed and took another drag of cigarette nunber 2, trying to push the confusion away. _'Let's get this over with.'_

**

Once the funeral started, a heavy weight weighed on Loki's heart. His chest tightened, every time he looked at that casket. They head a picture of her on a stand, with a big flowery wreath around it.

She looked beautiful. That picture was Loki's favorite picture of her. Frigga was a beautiful woman. And Loki didn't bother trying to stop the tears from coming. Brock sat next to him, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't hold Loki's hand, or hold him while he cried, or do any other thing to comfort him.

It was hard. It was so hard, and Loki felt like he couldn't breathe. Frigga died thinking Loki hated her. He could never hate her, who could? He was just angry, and was stupid. Very fucking stupid. He looked over at Thor and Jane sitting a couple seats down.

Jane was crying. Thor definitely was. His face was red and puffy, and he was continuously wiping tears away. Odin was crying, rubbing at his face with his hands. Thor looked over at Loki, and held his gaze.

Thor didn't look mad at Loki from earlier. And Loki wasn't mad at him either. Loki felt his bottom lip quivering, and he started crying harder. He covered his mouth with his hand and hung his head. _'I'm so sorry.'_  

**

After Odin had went and did a Eulogy for Frigga, Thor went. Thor closed his and said "Now if he wishes, I'd like to invite my brother Loki to come up and speak..." He went to say something else, but closed his mouth, and went and sat back down.

Loki then stood up and went up, until he was standing where they both stood. He swallowed and said "I um...I didn't have time to prepare anything, but uh...What I say will come from my heart, so..." 

He looked over at Brock, who was looking at him, but his expression was blank. Then he looked over at Thor, who was smiling at him, his smile sad, but encouraging.

Loki then cleared his throat and said "I never knew who my real family was...But my real Mother and Father didn't care, and they just left me to become someone else's problem. But then I was taken in by the Odinsons...And since then, they had become the only family I had ever known and come to love.

Frigga Odinson, was the only Mother I ever knew. She was my best friend. I had a much stronger connection with her, than I had had with anyone else..." He stopped and smiled a little and said "My Father, Odin, had once said he saw so much of Frigga in me. I loved her with all my heart and now...And now she's gone...And I am truly happy to speak on her behalf, but...I also can't help but feel guilty...For the last time I saw her, I was angry, and said she wasn't my real Mother...After that, I couldn't bear to look or speak to her, for the guilt would kill me...I just wish I could have one last chance to see her again, and tell her how sorry I am..."

His voice shook, and he wiped some tears away, before continuing on. He took as deep breath and said "She was such a wonderful woman...She was my hero, my brother Thor as well...But Frigga Odinson was a Godly woman...She loved everyone, and everyone loved her.

The sweetest human being on the face of the Earth, and I am grateful for every second I had with her. And I am grateful for my family for accepting me into their lives, even now, as I must be causing them pain from my behavior..."

He then looked at the casket and said "I love you, Mom...I love you so much, and I miss you. And I pray that you can forgive me...Thank you, I'm sorry..." Then he went and sat down. They clapped for him, and the rest of the service continued.

As the guests laid roses on her casket, Loki went up and places his ontop the rest. Then he laid his hand on the wood and said "I love you, Mom." Before turning and walking away. Now, it was time for the reception.

**

As soon as they got to the place where the reception was being held, Loki hightailed it to the nearest bathroom, and locked himself in. He leaned his hands against the sink and hung his head as he cried.

It was a little too late for anyone not to see him cry, but he didn't want anyone to see him now. He was in there for almost 15 minutes, before someone pounded on the door. 

Loki said "Just a minute!" Before quickly cleaned his face off, and grabbing a paper towel. When he opened the door, Thor was standing there.

Before Loki could even think, he quickly hugged Thor, lying his head on the older man's chest. He started crying again, and Thor hugged him back. He gently rubbed his little brother's back, and saying things to comfort him. Brock was nowhere to be seen. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one was a little short.


	10. "We're Done!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brotherly heart-to-heart. Dammit Brock. Thor to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will be longer, I promise.

After Loki had cried on Thor, they had stayed that way for a few minutes. Now, they sat at the bar, not saying anything. They were sharing a bottle of Whisky, that Thor asked could be left on the counter. 

When Loki downed his fourth shot, he quietly said "I'm sorry...For being a dickhead.."

Thor looked over at him and said "It's okay."

Loki shook his head and said "No it's not, it's not okay...Nothing is okay..."

Thor said "I'm not mad, Loki...I understand."

Loki downed another shot and asked "What do you understand?"

Thor said "I know you hate me, Loki. I've seen it every time you've looked at me, excluding earlier and last night while you were drunk...I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did, I was afraid...You're my little brother, and there's nothing in this world, past, present, or future, that I wouldn't do for you...But I took advantage of you that night, and I didn't handle it well."

Loki smirked and said "I seem to recall, I enjoyed being taken advantage of, by you."

They both laughed and Loki said "It's me that should be apologizing to you...I think I was the one that took advantage of you...Before that night, I just looked at you different...I felt different around you...I was wekrded out by it at first, but when I'm drunk, I really don't fucking care...But during the whole time we did it, I looked at you like...You were the only person in the world. The whole Universe...Even though I was drunk, I think I fell in love with you that night...And it broke my heart when - Well, you know."

Thor nodded and Loki could see he looked guilty. Then Loki poured himself another shot, and said "Then after what I said to Mom..." He toosed the shot back, and set the glass back down. He said "Everything just went down from there...I was in between couches, became friends with the wrong people...I was just in a dark place for a very long time...Still kinda am, but it's not as bad as it used to be, since I met Brock."

Thor snorted and said "Brock....What the Hell do you see in that guy?"

Loki was about to answer, when Brock yelled "Loki! C'mon, we're outta here...Where you at??" 

They turned and that's when Brock was coming up to them. Everyone was staring at Brock, whispering to each other. Then Brock grabbed Loki's arm and said "C'mon baby, let's go."

He started pulling, but Loki held onto the bar. He asked "Brock, can't it wait? I'm having a drink with my brother."

Brock said "No, we gotta go, _now_. I got business with a potential client back home, now c'mon, say bye to whoever, and let's go."

Thor looked back at him and said "Now wait a minute, he's entitled to some time with his family after his Mother just died, your _business_ can wait." 

Brock pointed at Thor and said "Mind your own business pal, now Loki, get your ass up _now_ , I won't ask again." 

Thor quickly got off his stool and said "Look _dickhead_ -" Thor got cut off when Brock shoved him, his back hitting the bar a little. 

Brock said "I said stay outta this!"

Loki got up and shoved Brock back. He said "Brock quit it-" but got caught off by Brock not slapping him, but actually _punching_ him in the face. The hit caused Loki to lose his footing, and he dropped to the ground, landing on his side. 

He held his cheek, which was on fire, and Thor _lost_ it. He quickly grabbed Brock and threw him up against the closest wall. Brock struggled to get out, but Thor kept him caged there. 

Thor started punching him and he shouted _"DON'T EVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON HIM AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?!?!"_

Loki quickly got up and that's when Jane and a few others came to stop them. Loki was pushing at Thor's cheat, saying "Thor! Thor, stop it! Stop it! Thor!"

It took four people to restrain Thor, while two kept Brock against the wall Odin said " _THAT'S ENOUGH!_ " 

Both Thor and Brock tried to fight back against the people restraining them, even though Brock hadn't gotten to throw a punch. Then Loki got in front of Thor and said "Thor! Thor, look at me, hey!" Be grabbed hold of his brother's face in his hands, forcing him to look at the younger man. 

Loki said "Thor, _Look at me!_ " Thor's eyes fixed on his and Loki said " _Stop. Please._ " 

Thor's eyes scanned his brothers face, and he finally stopped. Thor stood there, still being held back, panting. Then he looked at the men holding him back, and said "I'm alright, I'm alright. I'm good." 

They let go, and he looked at Loki again. Then he fixed his suit, and looked at Brock. Brock's face was already starting to swell, and it won't look pretty tomorrow. He pointed at Brock and said "You come near him again, and I'll rip your head off..." Then he pointed at the door and said "Get out."

When Brock didn't move, Odin said "You heard him Boy, get out! Right now, before I call the cops!"

Brock push the guys holding him away, and fixed his shirt. He said "Fuck this, I'm outta here." 

Loki said "Brock! Brock, wait!" 

Thor went to stop Loki, but Loki followed him out to the parking lot. He said "Brock please, Brock baby, wait!"

Brock turned, and Loki flinched, in cansw he punches him again. Brock said "Fuck you Loki, I'm done! We're done! You have 3 days to get your shit outta my house, or I'm trashin' it! Fuck you, and your dumbass family!"

He kept walking away and Loki kept following him. Loki said "Brock! Brock no please baby, don't do this! Brock!!" _'Who's gonna be my dealer now?!'_

Ever since they fucked the first time they met in that crackhouse, Loki hasn't had to pay for drugs, fuck for them, or just suck cock or eat a girl out for them. Loki didn't want him just for that, but it was a bonus. 

But suddenly two arms wrapped around Loki, and he was being dragged back. He saw it was Thor, and Loki said "No! No, no, no, no! _Brock wait!_ "

Brock flipped Loki off and then yelled _"HEY, ANYBODY WANNA FUCK MY EX?! HE'LL LET YA FOR A DOLLAR!!"_

Loki kept struggling in Thor's arms, but Thor kept pulling him back. Then Loki tripped a little and Thor caught him. The younger man watched as Brock pulled out of the parking spot, and drove off, leaving Loki and Thor standing there. 

Loki started crying, and he held onto Thor's arm. Thor said "Hey, hey, hey. C'mere." And turned him around, before pulling him in a hug. 

Loki quickly huffed him back, and quietly asked "Thor, what did you do?...What did you do?, _What did you do?_..." As he cried into his brother's shoulder. 

**

After everything had calmed down at the reception, thet went back to Odin's house. They discovered Brock had broken in, and when Loki looked in thee room they were staying in, he had taken all the drugs back. Even taking some of Loki's.

Thor put some ice on where Brock has punched him, before putting some on his own knuckles. Jane went over and algently touched Loki's shoulder.

She said "Loki, I am so sorry...He was an asshole, you'll find someone better, don't worry."

Like  that would make him feel any better. But Loki just said "Thanks Jane..." Then he looked at Thor and Odin and said "I'm sorry if I ruined everything."

Thor said "It wasn't your fault."

Odin said "It really wasn't...I hated him anyways."

Loki smiled a little, and then his smile dropped. He shrugged and said "I don't know what I'm gonna do now...He was the reason I kept a roof over my head for the past 3 years."

Thor asked "Do you have any friends in Seattle that you could stay with?"

He nodded and said "Yeah, my friend Natasha...But I'm not sure if that could happen, but other than her, I have no one else over there...I don't know what I'm gonna do..." 

_'I have to get things sorted out with Brock.'_


	11. Pathetic/Terms & Conditions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor goes with Loki to Seattle to get his stuff. Loki tries to get Brock back. Thor gives Loki real talk.

A couple days later, Thor and Loki headdes to Seattle to get Loki's stuff from Brock's apartment. But first, he asked Thor if he could stop by Natasha's place to see if he could crash with her, once he's got his stuff. 

When they got to her building, he buzzed her apartment. When she didn't answer, he buzzed again. Still nothing. Loki furrowed his eyebrows and buzzed a few more times, but still nothing.

He muttered "Shit" before dialing her number. After 5 rings, an automated voice on the other end said her phone has been disconnected. 

Loki hung up and said "Fuck...Her phones "disconnected"."

Thor looked at him, and Loki chuckled. He said "I don't know what I'm gonna do...I just most my boyfriend and dealer, now Natasha's MIA-"

"Wait a minute, what did you just say?" Thor looked at him confused, and that's when Loki realized what he had just said.

He said "Shit."

Then Thor asked "Brock was your dealer?...So you are doing drugs?....Loki, look at me."

Loki groaned and looked at him. Loki said "Alright yeah, Thor. I'm a junkie, I'm a fucking junkie, happy?? I met Brock in a crack house, I fucked him for some free Coke, and I've been with him ever since, alright?!"

Thor stared at him in shock for a minute, before he started walking. Loki said "Hey, wait! Thor, where are you going?!" Jogging to catch up with him.

Thor said "I'm gonna kill him. We're gonna get to his place, then I'm gonna ride in the back of a cop car, cause I'm gonna kill him." 

Loki said "No, no, just wait a second, okay? Thor seriously, stop!" 

Thor stopped and Loki said "Let's just get my shit, and get out, okay? Please?"

Thor nodded and said "Fine...But that's it, c'mon."

**

When they got to Brock's apartment, Loki buzzed him in and Brock answered. "Yeah?"

Loki said "It's me, I'm here for my stuff."

"Aright." Then they went in. When they got to his door, Thor knocked, and they waited. When Brock answered, he gave them both dirty looks, and  he said "Come in."

The bruises on his face looked _really_ bad. Mixing between dark purple, to almost black...Who knew Thor could throw some serious punches? 

Brock stepped aside so they could come in. Brock said "I packed all your shit in some garbage bags, so you wouldn't keep going back and forth."

They nodded and Thor asked "Hey um, can I use your bathroom?"

Brock rolled his eyes and said "Yeah, it's down the hall, third door on the right. Just hurry the fuck up, I got shit to do."

Thor nodded and turned to Loki. He said "I'll be right back, okay?"

Loki nodded and Thor went down the hallway. He checked to make sure the coast was clear, before moving towards Brock. He said "Look Baby-"

Brock said "I don't wanna hear it, Loki. I told you, I'm done."

Loki quickly licked his lips and said "Please Brock...Please don't do this...I'll do anything, okay?" 

Brock ignored him and Loki took a step closer. He out his hand out in between them, and laid his hand on Brock's stomach. He said " _Anything_...You want that? Want me to make you feel good, you know can..."

He slid his hand down and went to kiss Brock, but Brock shoved him away. He said "Get off me! Get your shit and get outta here!"

Loki said "Brock please-"

"Loki." The younger man jumped and quickly turned around to see Thor standing there. He looked between him and Brock, before moving towards the pile of bags with Loki's stuff. saying "Let's get your stuff and go "

Loki swallowed and Brock shook his head. He mumbled "Goddamn whore." Before taking a swig from a Captain Morgan bottle.

Loki then helped Thor get his stuff down to Thor's car, taking only one trip back up for the rest. Thor managed to get most of them in his arms, and Loki had grabbed a couple. 

**

They were now making the trip back to LA. Thor was only in Manhattan for business, and Jane went with him. They live out in Glendale, and visit Odin quite often.

They hadn't said anything for hours. Loki was getting really anxious, stealing glances over at Thor, who kept his eyes on the road. 

Eventually, Loki couldn't take it anymore. He looked over at him and asked "Can you say something, please?"

Thor didn't answer. But after a couple minutes, he asked "What do you want me to say?"

Loki chewed on his bottom lip and said "Anything.... Are you mad at me?"

Thor looked over at him and said "No, Loki, I'm not mad...I'm just -"

"Disappointed?"

Thor nodded and said "Yes, I am...I'm very disappointed. My baby brother is a drug addict, and an alcoholic...I already had a feeling you were, but I just wanted to hear you say it first, which you did.."

Loki nodded and then Thor said "And that breaks my heart...Cause I'd never want that to happen to you, and I didn't do my best to help keep you away from that....But what hurts me even more is that after being completely humiliated and treated like shit in front of your entire family at our Mother's funeral reception, I witnessed you trying to go back to him...I don't mean to hurt you, but yes Loki...I am _very_ disappointed in you."

Then he looked over at Loki. Loki felt tears pool in his eyes, and he just nodded. Thor said "But, I'm not mad at you. You are still my little brother, and I love you....Jane and I talked about it, and we've decides that you're going to stay with us, if you wanted."

Loki looked over at him and Thor said " _But_ , there's a couple conditions." Loki nodded and Thor said "Number 1. You will work while you stay with us. You can go back to working as a stripper at a new club, that fine if you want that, as long as you're working. Number 2, before proceeding any further, you _will_ go to rehab, to detox."

Loki's eyes went wide, and Thor said "Say whatever you want to me, cuss me out, I don't care. But you will go to rehab and get clean, or you won't be staying with us. Number 3. If you fall off the wagon, we will help you, you will have all the chances in the world to get yourself better, if you wanna be helped.

But if you drink in our house or use in our house we will either kick you out, or call the cops. Number 4, you will respect me and Jane while you live under our roof, and follow our rules. And Number 5, if I _ever_ catch you trying to get back together with Brock again, _so help me God Loki_ , I will _kick your ass_...But only because I love you, and you deserve better..Any questions for me, so far?"

Loki shook his head and said "No."

Thor nodded and said "Alright. If you think of any, just ask."

**

When they got to Glendale, Thor pulled into the driveway of what appeared to be his [house](http://www.silverwoodproperties.net/old/wp-content/gallery/glendale/glendalecahouse.jpg). They got out and started carrying Loki's stuff inside, Jane greeting them before going out to help carry stuff in. 

When Thor stopped in the hallway upstairs, he said "This'll be your [room](http://www.qisiq.com/6/2013/08/designer-modern-bedrooms-pale-yellow-awesome-bedroom-decoration-with-comfy-bed-and-three-pictures-frames-inspiring-pictures-of-yellow-bedroom-design-inspirations.jpg)." Then opened the door. It was big, but not as big as the master bedroom would be, of course. But it felt nice and warm, and inviting. Once they got the rest of his stuff set in there, Thor said "Go to sleep now if you want, you can deal with these whenever...Loki, do you want to get better?"

The younger man nodded and said "Yes."

Thor asked "Are you sure? Don't you dare lie to me."

Loki nodded again and said "I'm sure."

Thor nodded and said "Good...Cause starting tomorrow, you'll be spending the next 90 days, at the Shield Rehabilitation Center for Addiction in LA."

Loki's eyes went wide and he said "90 days?"

Thor nodded and said "Yep. The only way you're gonna get better is by starting there...Loki, I'm not doing this to punish you...I just want to help you get better."

Loki nodded and said "I know."

Thor nodded again and smiled. He said "Good.." Then he pulled Loki into a hug and said "Love you...Sleep tight, okay?"

Loki hugged back and said "Okay...Love you too." 


	12. Shield Rehabilitation Center for Addiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Shield, Loki.

The next day, Loki watched as Glendale disappeared, and they were now in LA.

He was so nervous. 90 days in a place where he doesn't know anyone, and going through the pain of withdrawal for the sake of getting better. What if he doesn't get to see Thor while he's there??

They sat in silence for awhile, with Thor occasionally speaking with Jane or directing something to Loki. Soon they pulled up to this big [mansion](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e0/b4/59/e0b45953f608799ade766217f5ee5d78.jpg), and Loki said "Wow...Is this supposed to be rehab, or an episode of MTV Cribs?" 

Jane snorted and said "Yeah, no kidding. It looks so much bigger than on the website."

Thor said "No matter the size, as long as you help yourself get better Loki, that's all that matters to me."

Loki asked "Will I be able to see you guys whole I'm here?"

Thor nodded and said "Yeah, we talked about it with one of the founders of Shield, and she said visitation is welcome any time...Good for rebuilding relationships."

The younger man nodded, and when they stopped, there was a [man](http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/7/7f/Howard_Stark_AM.png/revision/latest?cb=20160206204912) and a [woman](http://nerdist.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Peggy-Carter.jpg) standing there. Thor shut off the engine off and they got out. 

Loki didn't wanna get close to him, so he just stepped over towards Thor. Thor patted his shoulder and whispered "It's okay."

The man and woman both smiled and the woman said "Hello, it's finally nice to meet you all. I'm Margaret Carter, but just call me Peggy." 

They shook her hand and the man said "And I'm Howard Stark, pleasure."

They did the same with him and Thor said "I'm Thor Odinson, this is my brother Loki, and my fiancé Jane Foster." 

Jane greeted them, but Loki remained silent. Peggy smiled at him and said "It's okay to be nervous, Loki. Your bortjer informed us of your situation, and we're very happy to have you here with us, and we will help you on your journey, every step of the way. Recovery from any addiction can be very frightening, but you won't have to go through it alone. Welcome to Shield. Would you guys like a tour of the grounds?"

Thor and Jane nodded and said "Yeah sure." 

Then Peggy nodded and said "Good. Come along."

**

After she showed them around, she said "Before proceeding further, we do have some ground rules that must be followed during your stay here with us, Loki. First off, do you have a cell phone? Laptop?"

Loki said "I only have a phone, why?" 

She held her hand out and said "Give it here, please." 

He didn't want to, but he handed it to her and she said "No cell phones or laptops. Can't take any risk of the people we have in recovery trying to contact old connections for drugs or alcohol, now can we?

Also we don’t allow violation of anyone’s privacy by taking photos or sharing on social media while you’re in here. If you absolutely have to use a computer or phone, it will be done with a supervisor present, and there will be a limited amount of websites allowed

Limiting access to phones and computers will also decrease distractions in order to help you focus on your recovery. Number 2, no romantic or sexual relationships while in this facility." 

Loki groaned and muttered "You've _got_ to be kidding me."

She said "I'm not. In rehab, it's good to make new connections, friendships, and communicatime with those on the same path to recover, but romance on rehab can complicate things.

This is the time in your life to concentrate on _you_ and _your_ continued recovery. Your focus should be on that and not on a new romantic or sexual relationship.

Number 3, attendance at all sessions is mandatory Attendance and participation in all sessions during rehabilitation, is very important. Even if you don’t feel like participating at first, it’s crucial to show up to each session and do your best. Then the willingness and motivation will come easier to you.

This rule isn’t to irritate or torture you, it’s established for you to get the most out of your experience, here. During this time, your mind will be like a sponge and it will begin to soak up all of the wonderful information available to help you in your recovery. Number 4, no movies, television, or music.

 _'What? No TV or music?? Is she serious??'_ He thought. 

She said "I know, it might seem like an unfair rule at first, but there is a reason behind it. First of all, there might be adjustments to these rules depending on which rehab center you go to and what types of movies, TV, and music you want to indulge in.

Mostly, it’s to avoid triggers. Similar to the computer and cell phone rule, we want to make sure you’re comfortable without any shocking triggers from the media about drinking and drug use while you’re in this sensitive phase of your recovery. I know I must sound mad, but we truly do care about each and everyones recovery."

_'My God, this place is like the Gates of Hell.'_

Number 5, total abstinence from drugs and alcohol, of course. This might seem like something easy and understood, but some people have confusing views about what is considered a drug.

Loki, your bags are being searched as we speak, dont worry we won't arrest you for having anything you're not supposed to, but they will be destroyed. If you have been prescribed any medications, they will be taken and analyzed before being given to you on a needed basis, if you _absolutely need_ them.

Number 6, restrictions on where you go. When you’re in this rehabilitation center, you won’t come and go as you please. This will take some getting used to, but it’s for your own good. Generally, you won’t be allowed to leave the treatment facility unless it’s with an employee of the facility and to an organized event or location.

Again, this isn’t to keep you prisoner Loki, but to make sure you’re getting the most out of your experience here, and to make sure you’re participating in each session. In order to keep you on the healthiest path to sobriety, you’ll need to be present, physically and mentally.

And number 7. Your schedule will be highly structured. This will also be different for many people, These could include group therapy sessions, one-on-one therapy sessions, prescribed activities, and other required meetings. Keeping a schedule will help you stay on course and hold you accountable each day. And they're designed to offer the maximum amount of time to heal while you're here with us.

You are allowed to see your brother and anyone else that would be good for you to see, whenever you please. Recovery isn't just about rebuilding you, but also your relationships with family, friends, other relationships, and so forth. But you must also cut off old connections that were bad influences for you. They will only drag you back to square one, and you don't want that, do you?"

Loki quickly shook his head and said "N-No."

She nodded and smiled a little. "Good. Do you have any questions for me?"

He nodded and said "Yeah, um...What will happen when I go through withdrawal? Do I go to a certain place, or...?"

She said "Patients going through withdrawal will stay within our medical room, which you've seen. Have you gone through it yet? Are you feeling any headaches, nausea, tremors, anxiety, hallucinations, anything?"

Loki shook his head and said "No."

She nodded and said "Unfortunately, you will. Symptoms for alcohol withdrawal may occur from two hours to four days once you've gone without at a certain point. They may include symptoms such as headaches, nausea, tremors, anxiety, hallucinations, and seizures.

For the whole body, it could include: Shakiness, sweating, or loss of appetite. Behavioral includes: Agitation, restlessness, or irritability. Other symptoms that are common include: Fast heart rate, tremors, anxiety, disorientation, headaches, insomnia, nervousness, or seizures

As for Cocaine withdrawal, you'll more than likely experience: Agitation and restless behavior, depressed mood, fatigue, general feeling of discomfort, increased appetite, vivid and unpleasant dreams, suicidal thoughts, slowing of activity, and so forth.

The craving and depression can last for months after stopping long-term heavy use, particularly daily usage. Your withdrawal from Cocaine and whatever else you have taken, will be far worse...Not exactly sugar coating, but there is no sugar coating with recovery in this facility. You want the truth, you're going to get it."


	13. First Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say their goodbyes (but will come whenever they want.) Day 1 of 90.

Peggy smiled and asked "Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

Loki nodded and smiled. He asked "You wouldn't happen to have any exercise poles, or pole studios here, do you? Any dance therapy?" 

Thor smiled a little and she said "Most rehabs don't, unless it's physical rehabilitation..." Then he watched as the corner of her mouth tilted up into the slightest smirk. "But some make an exception. Why?"

He smiled and said "Well, not to toot my own horn, but I've been a trained pole dancer for 11 years. I started when I was 17, and when I have free time, I can spend it doing that... It'll help me, keep me relaxed. And if you need an instructor, I'd be more than happy to teach a class?"

She smiled and she said "Well...I'll tell you what, once you're through your withdrawals, I'll watch you and think about it, how does that sound?"

Loki grinned and said "Great!"

**

When they took Loki to his [room](https://www.sober.com/contents/pictures/american%20addiction%20centers%20desert%20hope-5.jpg), he saw there were two beds, sitting opposite of one another. The room was nice, comfortable. Reminds him of some of the hotels he'd go to when Brock would pimp him out to someone. 

But if felt better knowing Brock didn't send him here. That's when he saw a [guy](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/3420140673/5122ee9694ba638d5462c39ec67cb5a3.png) coming out of the bathroom. He was attractive...Even with the no sex rule, some rules can be bent on occasion, right?

The guy smiled and said "Hey, what's up? I'm Clint, your new roommate."

He shook their hands and Loki said "I'm Loki."

Clint chuckled and asked "Like that God of Mischief? No way!"

Loki nodded and said "It's true." Then he pointed at Thor and said "This is my brother Thor...Our family has a sense of humor."

Clint grinned and said "Wow...That's really cool. Well awesome, nice to meet you, man. Here uh, your bed's over here." And patted the only bed that was made.

**

After a little while, Thor asked to speak with Loki alone. Loki agreed and has his hands shoved in his pockets. After a minute or so of silence, the younger man said "This place seems nice.."

Thor nodded and said "Yeah...A friend of mine had actually recommended this place... He came here 4 years ago, and he's been sober ever since."

Loki nodded and said "That's good...Thor?"

"Hmm?"

Loki chewed on his bottom lip, as his brother looked at him from under his lashes. He swallowed and said "I'm sorry...For being an ass...And everything else."

Thor said "Don't be...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I kicked you out. I'm sorry for not letting you stay, and not trying hard enough to find you-"

"Thor-"

"Loki, just let me get this out, please, it kills me to think about it every day, whether you believe it or not...I did look for you after I did it, but after I closed the door on you, I was going crazy...I thought our relationship had been ruined, I thought I had crossed the line, even if we were both drunk.

But after after I had realized I kicked you out, I went to look for you. I checked with all our friends, but I couldn't find you. I checked with them, everywhere we'd go to hang out, I couldn't find you-

Loki said "I got a motel room for a few nights. It was that one down the street a ways from the bowling alley, I think...Yeah, it was that one...Almost forgot about that."

Thor furrowed his eyebrows and he smiled a little. He asked "That's where you were?"

Loki nodded and said "Yeah...You didn't check there?"

Thor shrugged and said "We never went there...Anyways, I was scared shirtless when I couldn't find you. I had called mom and dad, the cops, crying, worried sick about you...I should've never done that to you, that was the worst mistake of my life...Cops didn't do shit since it hadn't been long enough for a missing persons report.

Then mom had told me you called her and that you were gonna meet her for lunch. I wanted to comr with her, but she said it would be better for just you and her to talk...But I wanted to come and hold you, and never let you go...But after what happened between you and her, I kept looking for you, we all called you and texted you thousands of times, but you never answered. We looked all over Hell and high water for you, but you didn't wanna be found..."

Thor rubbed his face with his hand and he said "If I hadn't have been a total dickhead, none of this would be happening.."

Loki shrugged and said "It's not all your fault...Not your fault you got a whore for a little brother."

Thor said "You're not a whore, Loki. No matter what Brock says, you aren't."

Loki snorted and said "Yeah, sure...You don't even know..." Muttering the last part.

They fell into silence and after a few minutes and Loki hesitated to ask him something. But asking couldn't hurt, could it? After all, Jane was somewhere else, talking to Peggy. And Clint went off to the gym a few minutes ago.

He then looked at his brother and asked "Did you regret it?...That night?"

Thor said "Loki we were-"

"Drunk, yes, I'm well aware. But while it was... _happening_ , did you regret it?"

Thor smiled and said "Well, my judgement was impaired, so was yours...But while we did it? No, I didn't regret it."

Loki smirked and said "I know you didn't...I just wanted to hear you say it."

Thor smiled and that's when Loki asked "So...When did you propose?"

The older man said "Almost 3 months ago...We think we'll get married in the fall." 

Loki nodded and Thor asked "Why?"

The younger man swallowed and said "You know why.."

Thor's eyes quickly darted from Loki's, over to the wall, then back. The younger man stepped closer to him, his steps slow and careful. Approaching the other man as if he was approaching a deer.

Thor said "Loki.." 

"Please...Just one last time... One last time and after this you can go and think about it. And if you don't want me then, then I won't fight you on it, I'll stay here, and I'll get my shit together...If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die knowing I got to kiss you one last time, Thor, _please_.."

Thor was leaning up against the wall and when Loki got close enough, reaching out to him, Thor quickly grabbed him and turned them around, until he had Loki pushed up against the wall.

Loki quickly became afraid and braced himself, ready to get hit. But Thor didn't hit him. He peeked up at the older man, and Thor looked hurt by it. But he said "I wouldn't hit you, Loki..." And the look in his eyes, confirm it.

Loki nodded and said "I believe you." He leaned in to kiss Thor, but Thor pushed him back, making a small gasp escape the younger man.

Thor looked like he was fighting an inward battle. His eyes screamed that he wanted to and Loki would never complain about that. That's when Thor leaned in and Loki closed his eyes, ready to accept those lips he's fantasized over for 8 years, but then Thor quickly moved, gently grabbing Loki's face in one hand, turning his head to the side.

Loki opened his mouth to say something, but he choked a little on a whine when the older mans hot breath hit is neck. Thor brought his lips to Loko's ear and said "You heard what Peggy said...This is your time to focus on _you_ and _your_ recovery, not on anything else...Get yourself straightened out. We'll be here every week to see you. You get yourself straightened out...And I'll think about it."

Loki's breathing suddenly changed. He could feel his dick start to stir in his pants, but he had to play it cool around Jane. Then Thor asked "Think you can do wait for that?" 

Loki nodded and quickly said "Y-Yes."

He could almost feel his brother smile against his ear, and he said "Good. But don't get clean for me, do it for _you_ , you hear me? Your recovery is for _you_...But while you're getting better, I'll think about it, okay?"

Loki nodded again and he smiled a little. "Okay." 

Thor then said "Okay." Loki thought he was gonna pull away, but then he felt Thor press his lips against where Loki's jaw ends and his neck begins, and the younger man froze. Thor did it one more time, and then pulled away.

Thor smiled and said "C'mon."

**

When they found Jane and Peggy, Peggy asked "Loki Darling, are you alright? Your cheeks are red."

Loki being the brilliant Silver Tongue that he is, he chuckled and said "I'm fine. It's awfully warm in here, isn't it? Or is it just me?" Quickly fanning himself. His cheeks are red from blushing, and he's trying to get his breathing back to normal.

Jane nodded and said "Yeah, it feels like an oven in here." Being none the wiser. 

Peggy nodded and said "I know...We keep telling maintenance to fix the damn air conditioning, but I have yet to see ant improvements...Well they'll have Hell to pay with me, later. Is there anything else you'd like to discuss? Please I don't mind, I love questions."

They all shook their heads and Loki said "No, I think I'm good. Jane? Thor?"

Jane said "I'm fine. Babe, how about you?"

Thor shook his head and said "Can't find anything else at the moment...I think we're all done here then." Then he turned to Loki. He smiled down at him and asked "Do take care of yourself, alright? _Please?_ "

Loki had finally calmed doennafter that, and he knew the genuine concern in the older man's voice. Loki nodded and smiled. "I will, I promise." 

Thor said "You're a brillaint liar, Brother. Always have been." 

He pulled Loki in for a hug and Loki hugged him back. He said "I'm not lying...I'll get better, I swear it."

Thor then patted his back and said "Good." Then he broke the hug and Loki turned to Jane.

He smiled and said "I'm sorry for being rude, before. If I was, I'm terribly sorry."

She said "You're fine, it's okay." Before he then hugged her. She said "We'll see you next week, okay?"

Loki nodded and they broke the hug. He watched as they got in the car, Thor honking the horn as they drove away. Now it was time to start getting better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you get mad at Thor, I get it, but this is where he's starting to get confused, and now that Loki is in rehab, the confusion will get worse, but I don't think he did that to be an ass to Jane. He could've only done that and told Loki he'd think about it to make him feel better, but hey, who knows?? :o. I'm writing this, and even I still don't know yet *Dun DUn DUUUUNNN* :o.


	14. Withdrawal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes through withdrawal. Day 5 of 90.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiii guys, sorry I've been gone, I got busy. And I was kinda feeling like shit, but I feel a little better cause I ordered Focus T25 and a couple other things from BeachBody, and I'm so excited to use them, cause I really need to get in shape. I hate the way I am, and I need to change. But I'm back, updates for everything WILL continue to happen, so bear with me! :).

After what happened between him and Thor the first night, Loki had locked himself up in the bathroom, and beat himself off while taking a shower. He kept his hand clamped over his mouth just in case Clint heart him, until he came.

As twisted as it was, it was the most exciting thing Loki had seen in awhile. More than dancing at the club, more than getting fucked by Brock or whoever, and even more than a high or getting drunk.

He does feel like an asshole though. Doing that to Thor, trying to seduce him when at any moment, his _fiancé_ could walk in on them. He's a little mad at Thor too.

He figured he didn't wanna do that anymore, since he's engaged. But then he turns around and tells Loki he'd think about kissing him, or anything else. He feels wrong about Jane, being a stuck up Princess. It was Loki's bitterness and jealousy that had him jumping to that conclusion. She's actually very nice. She clearly loves Thor.

He'd be stooping to a new low, even for him, if he keeps trying to fuck with Thor like that. But he can't help it. Maybe it's the fact that he's a whore and with most whores, they don't give a shit what they do or who they fuck or hurt. And Loki's one of them. But he still feels guilty. 

But while Thor was fucking him, he didn't want anyone else. No one, the rest of his life. He wanted to make Thor happy, and not give a fuck what anyone has to say about it. But when Thor didn't want him after that, he turned to fucking other people. He gets himself checked regularly, and he hasn't clean so far. He's had a couple scares, but they were nothing.

And even now, he still wants Thor. Make him feel the way he did that night. Have the older man look at him like nothing else mattered, like he did during it. Even if it hurts Jane. And Loki doesn't wanna hurt her because of his selfish, lustful behavior. But a part of him does.

**

Loki had never felt so much pain in his life. Physical pain, anyways. He was scared to death. He stayed in the medical center of the mansion, just in case he needed any medical attention. 

He lied there on a cot, with a headache so bad, he was crying. He usually doesn't have headaches, and nobody in his family suffers or suffered from Migraines. 

But it hurt so bad. It felt like someone was squeezing his head, crushing his skull. He begged for God to kill him, the bastard. He had thrown up a few times, was cold no matter how many blankets he had, it was Hell.

It didn't take too long before he started going through it. Only three or four days. He was surprised it didn't happen quicker. It happened while Clint and him were getting ready for bed.

Thankfully, Clint had kept his hearing aids in, and that they were still up. Loki started to feel a headache coming on, and it progressively got worse. Clint had asked him if he was okay, and Loki nearly mowed him over to get to the toilet, before throwing up.

Clint let one of the staff know, and they both took him to where he is now. He wants it to stop. He doesn't know exactly whether or not he's going through alcohol or drug withdrawal, everything felt like it was coming all at once. 

He could hardly sleep, or eat. Hell, he could hardly drink water without throwing that up. And whenever he did fall asleep, he had nightmares. Nightmares of Brock coming after him, to do God knows what to him, or to Thor or Jane. Frigga yelling at him, blaming him for her death, they felt so real. 

The worst one was one that had Thor in it. It started out on the night they fucked. It started off good, and Loki prayed this dream would stay good. He doesn't want his best memory turning into a nightmare.

It started off when they kissed. Years later, Loki could still almost feel the older mans lips on his own. Then before the fucking actually happens, Thor hits him.

Even though he's dreaming, he could almost _feel_ the hard slap across his face, causing him to jolt. Thor starts yelling at him, keeps hitting him, hissing cruel things at him. _'_

_You think anyone cares about you? You think I care about you? Ha!'_

_'You're a mistake, a disease, a stain that no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it never goes away.'_

_'It's your fault mom is dead, everything is your fault!'_

_'I wish you were never born!'_

_'You're so pathetic, even your own Junkie parents didn't want you! W_ _hat makes you think I want you?'_

_'How could I ever love a worthless, disgusting whore, when I got someone better?'_

_'I'm gonna marry her, and you'll have nothing left. But until then, I'm gonna use you, fuck you, and throw you away like I did 8 years ago!_

_'I hate you!'_

Loki was crying harder, and covered his ears, as if it could help. He screamed for Thor to stop saying those awful things, his chest hurting from the crying. 

He flinched every time Thor would hit him, punch him, and was trying to strangle him while raping him. That ended up with two of the nurses, rushing in to hold him down. 

He cried and begged for someone to make Thor stop, but they just restained him. One nurse asked "Should we sedate him?"

The other answered "I don't know, but it probably wouldn't be a good idea, since he's going through withdrawal. He'll tire himself out soon." And one kept an eye on him, just in case. 

Just as the nurse predicted, Loki soon tired himself out from the trashing. He was afraid to close his eyes, fearing Thor would come back and hurt him even more.

But he was so tired, he just wanted to sleep. He stayed awake the best he could, but his eyelids just got heavier, until he gave up.

**

_He fell asleep, and just prayed the nightmares won't come back. And to his surprise, they didn't. He didn't dream for awhile, but then he saw Thor._

_He became afraid, but this time, Thor didn't wanna hurt him. He slowly sat down on Loki's cot, wrapping a strong arm around his slender brother. He pulled the smaller body close._

_Loki quickly scooted over, cuddling against the older mans body. He laid his head down on his chest, and sighed. Thor was always so warm, it felt nice with how cold Loki felt._

_Thor tried to pull him even closer, saying "Jesus Loki, you're shaking. You better stay close to me for now, baby. I'll warm you up."_

_Loki flinched at the word, and he looked up. Thors eyes were fixed on his own and Loki asked "But...But what about Jane?"_

_Thor said "She doesn't have to know. It's just you and me here, don't worry about it."_

_The younger man shook his head and pulled away a little. "No. No Thor, you can't do that."_

_"Why not?"_

_He said "Thor, you're engaged! You have a good thing going with a good girl, why go fuck it up with me??"_

_Thor just smiled and said "You wouldn't fuck it up...You're worth the risk." And leaned down, pressing his lips to Loki's forehead._

_Loki closed his eyes and said "Thor-"_

_"Shhh, it's okay baby. I got you...I love you, Loki."_

_Loki smiled a little and said "I love you too."_

_Thor smiled and gently put his finger under Loki's chin, tipping it back, before leaning down. Loki closed his eyes again and sighed when Thor's lips touched his own._


	15. Bring Me To Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor and Jane come by for a visit :D. Loki auditions for possible instructor for the pole studio :D. Day 9 of 90.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so do forgive me if I describe Loki's dance on this, horribly, it's only easy when you're watching someone do it, but describing is a whole nother ballgame xD.
> 
> But I'll describe it as best as I can, and I found a good video for his routine, to kinda give you an idea of what he'll be doing, so enjoy ;). But most of it will just be what I'm thinking lol :p. For when my describing skills fail, then you can watch the video ;) haha :p.

After it was all over, Loki was shaken. He could still feel it a little, but it scared the Hell out of him. He had Peggy call Thor and tell him that if they wanted to come by and visit, to wait a couple days. Just in case Loki was still in pain.

When he saw it was finally over, he said it was okay to come. And right now, he's patiently waiting with Peggy. She told him if he still wanted to show her his moves in the studio, to wear something under his clothes.

It took him some time to pick, but he found a [shirt](http://skreened.com/render-product/w/n/u/wnuwwsvjggceqsadqfaq/image.skreened-tank.white.w460h520b3z1.jpg) he had ordered, purely for the irony, and a cute pair of [shorts](http://g04.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1eWKBLVXXXXcjXpXXq6xXFXXXs/206099593/HTB1eWKBLVXXXXcjXpXXq6xXFXXXs.jpg) as well. His [shoes](https://ae01.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1_mLBOpXXXXagapXXq6xXFXXXw/LAIJIANJINXIA-15cm-sexy-clubbing-font-b-pole-b-font-dancing-high-heels-6-inch-Exotic-font.jpg) were in the studio, waiting for him. And with some kind persuasion, Peggy is allowing him to pick an appropriate, non-triggering song to play while he does it, and he found one. 

He can't wait. He's so excited, and even more with the fact it will be the first time Thor has ever seen him pole dance. And even more dangerous, his fiancé will be there. They should hurry up. Loki wants those gorgeous blue eyes of Thor's on him, and to stay on him as he'd move.

He wanted to perform to the Melanie Martinez cover of Toxic by Britney Spears, but even though it isn't even about drug addiction, Peggy says it's close enough. So that one he'll have to save for another time, once he's out of there. But after a little more thinking, he picked Bring Me To Life by Evanescence.

Loki had practiced a little the day before, and he's happy with the routine he's come up with. He could make it so much more intricate than what he has planning, but he doesn't wanna push himself too far, with how shitty he feels.

When Thor and Jane arrive, Loki's face lights up. Loki jumps up and practically runs over to them, hugging Jane first. He said "Hello. How are you?"

She smiled and said "Good, how about you?"

Loki snorted and said "Peachy. Withdrawal has really made me look ravishing, hasn't it?"

Then he turned and hugged Thor. Thor hugged him back, and Loki smiled against his shoulder. He feels so safe and secure in his arms. Heaven.

When they broke the hug, Jane asked "So, what do you wanna do today?"

Loki grinned and said "Well...I was thinking first, maybe you guys could be with us to watch me audition in the pole studio...If that's okay?"

Jane lit up and said "Awesome! I gotta see this, cause if you're like Cirque De Soliel or something, you're teaching me how to do it." 

They laughed and Loki looked at Thor. He had a certain look in his eyes and he couldn't tell if it was excitement, or what. Loki then smiled and said "Well come on then, let's go."

When they walked into the studio, Loki quickly pulled off his clothes, left only in his other outfit. When Thor caught a glimpse at his shirt, he raised an eyebrow at the younger man, and Loki just shrugged.

Then he winked at Thor, which went unnoticed by Jane and Peggy. After spending a few minutes of careful stretching, he slipped his shoes on, and stood up.

He started walking over to the poles, while Peggy waited to play the song. Thor and Jane went over and stood by Peggy, up against the wall, while Loki picked the center pole almost right in front of the floor to ceiling mirror.

He spread his legs hip width apart, and gripped the metal pole in front of him, taking a few deep breaths, before looking over at Peggy. He smiled and nodded, and she smiled, before pressing play on her laptop. Opened to YouTube, on the original version of the song, minus the video.

He took another deep breath and focused, ready to wow his small crowd. _'Let's do this.'_  

**

[Bring Me To Life](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TB_Sm5DqPyY) (Loki's Dance)

 _"How can you see into my eyes like open doors?_  
_Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb..."_

Loki slowly rolled his hips back and forth as the first verse started, rolling a couple times, his grip on the pole tightening. Then he carefully turned on his heel to the side, takes a couple steps before kicking his leg up. He quickly flipping in a sort of roll, before landing on his feet, standing straight up.

Then he slowly and carefully slide his foot back, twisting into a slow spin going backwards, before landing again, straightening his long legs as he bent over, folding himself in half.

Thor, Jane, and Peggy were standing behond him, so they werr probably getting a nice look at his ass. But Thor was the only one who mattered with that. He smiled at the thought, before coming back up. His long black hair flipping back.

He slowly circles around the pole, before kicking up again, this time, his body circles around the pole as he glides, his elegant legs out, making a slight slow motion running, as he spun.

 _"Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,_  
_Until you find it there and lead it back home.."_

He didn't land this time, but he built his momentum enough until he carefully brought his legs up, bending his knees. One leg wrapped around the pole, while he reached his hand out to hold the ankle of his other foot.

 _"(Wake me up),_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(Save me)_  
_Call my name, and save me from the dark._

 _(Wake me up)_  
_Bid my blood to run_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Before I come undone_  
_(Save me)_  
_Save me from the nothing I've become..."_

When he dances, he's fearless. Whether it's dancing on his own feet, or gracing a pole, he fears nothing. The real world disappears when he dances. 

That must be why he was different from the other dancers at Red Star, besides Natasha. They were fearless. They didn't spend time worrying so much about looking stupid, or missing a beat, or worrying about certain things falling out when they're either not supposed to, or they don't want them to.

Well obviously Loki wouldn't want anything he didn't want to, popping out while he's doing his thing. But they forget the rest of the world, and focus on the art they're creating through their movements.

Ever since he tried pole dancing while drunk at 17, his love for dance has only skyrocketed. He still does normal dancing too, besides lap dances or dancing for someone he's about to fuck if they wanted him to dance. Sometimes whether Brock was home or not, he'd scroll through his playlist and fond something to move to.

Sometimes bobbing a little, swaying his hips, or full on performing until he's sweating. He loves it. Better than any drug or drink he's ever had. Dancing is his ultimate high, along with sex.  
  
_"Bring me to life_  
_(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)_  
_Bring me to life..."_

He could see from the mirror, all their faces. Peggy and Jane were awestruck, huge grins on their faces, and cheering for him.   
  
_"Frozen inside without your touch_  
_Without your love, darling_  
_Only you are the life among the dead..."_

He slowly got on the ground on his back before extending his legs straight up slowly waving them a little, a few inches from the pole, before lifting his hips up, making his legs go back. He folded himself in half before carefully somersaulting backwards, being mindful of his neck, his legs spreading into a splits as he landed sitting up.

Then he saw Thor. Thor stared at him intently, focus never wavering. He had a smile on his face, but it wasn't as full as the girls'.

Loki smiled and slowly scooted forward on his knees, hands finding the pole again. He decided it was time to take it up a notch.

He quickly got up and counted 3 steps before kicking himself up, folding himself back. Then he pulled himself up a little, before letting himself quickly spin. Everyone cheered as he spun, before he slowed down.   
  
_"All this time I can't believe I couldn't see,_  
_Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me._  
_I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems,_  
_Got to open my eyes to everything._  
_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul,_  
_Don't let me die here._  
_There must be something more,_  
_Bring me to life.."_

He pulled himself up higher, letting himself slide down a little, before pulling back up.

 _"(Wake me up)_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Wake me up inside_  
_(Save me)_  
_Call my name, and save me from the dark._  
_(Wake me up)_  
_Bid my blood to run_  
_(I can't wake up)_  
_Before I come undone_  
_(Save me)_  
_Save me from the nothing I've become..."_

As the song came to a close, he was nearly at the top of the pole, before he slowly spun, inching lower and lower, legs wide in a splits. When he reached near the bottom of the pole, he closed his splits and curled himself in a ball around the metal, before slowly landing on the ground, still curled up.  
  
_"Bring me to life_  
_(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)_  
_Bring me to life..."_

When he uncurled himself, he laid on his back, raising his arms over his head, before arching his back and neck high, before turning on his stomach. He pulled his knees in, making his ass go up, before sitting up on this knees.


End file.
